The Odyssey Of The Work Place Romance

10:09 PM 5 Comments A+ a-


Hey Lovies,

I swear a million times over that Naija is where the life is! With all the suffering going on there’s always correct gist going on. Honestly, I love my yankee friends but y’all are boring joor…haba. My naija friends expecially the LasGidi ones always got one gist or the other for me. My BBM and Whatsapp always popping with one gist or the other. These people know how to rob one of sleep cos they be pinging in the middle of the night my time. Sheesh…………

So now to the koko. I know I’ve written about married women now cheating on their husbands and I probably know of one personally but mehnnnnnn the gist that reached me a few days ago, happening at a major Multi National Oil & Gas in Lagos………….this gist is like weed on crack. Yeah, you heard, weed on crack! B’liiiv’ that!

So there’s this babe who works in one of these Multinationals, lets call her Priye. So Priye ehn, she got married early and has 3 kids. Apparently her husband is not the best bloke on the block so they’ve been having major issues. Heard the guy is stingy as hell too but thankfully Priye has her cushioned job at this Oil Company. Any hoos, her husband’s business was once thriving, but somehow sha business went south. Priye wasn’t really bothered or affected cos the guy had not been taking care of her and the kids in the first place. With business gone south, her hubby’s behavior got worse so Priye started contemplating a divorce but eventually changed her mind. Where was she going with 3 kids? It was to sit down and weather the storm…………………until absolutely unbearable.

Now Priye haven examined her marriage properly and decided she didn’t love her husband anymore – marra of fact she detested him but she didn’t want to walk away from the marriage because of what you archaic, judgmental, self-righteous naija people say about a divorced woman. She decided she wasn’t going to go through a divorce but she would eat her cake and have it. She would remain married and have as many affairs as she wants, satisfy her sexual desires (her husband is a 1 minute man. Men, men, men!! How many times have I called you?? 3 TIMES O! Especially you naija men that will come and kiss sloppily, and can’t do foreplay even if your life depends on it. Then you will now have the nerve to come and hump 3 times and gbam its end of story!! Those 2 things on our chest are not ping pong balls to be slapped around biko. The lips are not dirty jeans that need to be washed with your spit; ewww…so gross. Neither is it ponmo from Shitta that you will just be wa rough on it.  What’s wrong with you people????? You berra go get some agbo jedi or Viagra or something please. Naija girls aren’t playing with y’all anymore o. The stories I hear this day ehn – even the devil is afraid of the sexual escapades naija women are into these days. Even me I bow!)

Back to the matter.     

Priye was on the prowl sha. No man, especially the good looking ones would escape her. Word circulating is that Priye even always had condoms in her bag. This girl was always prepared. As far as I’m concerned, this girl has life issues – quarter life crises maybe sef.
Next thing we heard o is that Priye has the hots for her born again boss at work.  Born again boss was married unfortunately for her but mehnnn this girl wouldn’t back off. She started looking for every excuse to go to his office, stand next to him, and work late cos the guy was a workaholic and usually working till late at night. Looks like oga born again must have been firing some serious prayers against all daughters of jezebel at work cos before you could bat an eyelid Priye had been transferred to another department.

Her new oga was one Edo boy who was weak as hell. Couldn’t hold his own or fire dangerous prayers against Priye like her former boss, so he caved. Not only did he cave, Priye had him wrapped around her thumbs like a toddler on lollipop. According to the gist, it was pathetic. The whole company knew about it but no one dared say anything about it. One girl whom I also know that works at the Oil Company actually tried bringing it up to their boss’s boss but she ended up getting fired. A few days after she left people found out Priye was also dating her boss’s boss and she had got wind of what this girl was up to and had her fired.

Priye was going on out of town trips with her boss and his boss, 3 days to 1 week at a time. While no one else in the department had ever been approved for an out of town\country “conference”, Priye had been to almost every major city in the world on “training”. Yup she was training her assets all right. **side eye. My question this times was please o, where is she telling her husband she’s going to? And how come he wasn’t suspecting anything? I don’t get marriages these days. Yet, some people will come and be forming with 2 rings acting like they are queen sheba cos they’re married. If I slap some people ehn!! Mchewwww. Fakes oshi. But the genuine ones though…..I throw so many kisses your way. Lord knows I love good and genuine people.

Back to the matter….again

Priye unearthed another chic that was against her lifestyle and got that one fired pronto. In short sha, she was in control of the 3rd leg of this suckers called her bosses and in control of the whole department. She and her ass have become legendary in broad day light.
By the time the men count was 4 at the same time in the same office, I was like naaaa this girl is using jazz on these men. There is no way it’s all about what’s between her legs. Abi could it be?
I told my friend that abeg, if this girl is not using jazz you berra get close to her to find out what she’s saying or doing to these men cos this is beyond human comprehension, AND I NEED THE RECEIPE!!

Heheheheh…….see how your ears are at attention. You too want to know what she’s doing abi? Lol…. I ain't sharing!!!

Much as I would love to say that every married woman should close her legs & heart to men other than her husband – I would be wasting my time honestly. This issue is a matter of to each his own. Haven had my own share of experience, I can attest to how some situations make you want to do despicable things. It really takes MAJOR Grace to be able to maintain dignity & have some high morals when you are in a really bad situation. During those times, the last person you are doing anything right for is your spouse. You have to think of yourself, think of your relationship with God, think of your children. I cannot judge anyone, less I be judged but mehnnnnn Naija babes I hail o.


Xoxo....
Love is a beautiful thing.

              

Love Not My Neighbor

12:05 AM 5 Comments A+ a-

Hey, Hey, Hey Lovies……

How’dy do peeps? I hope you all are keeping warm if you are in the abroad or cool if you are in Naija. I’m doing great – thanks for asking! I've just not had that much drama lately or maybe one that can see the light of day. I've been thinking of correct yarns for you lately and then gbam, my neighbor’s wife decided to go cray cray on me. See how I call her my neighbor’s wife when in fact she’s also my neighbor. At this point I've just decided not to even give her that title. She’s Mrs. Nobody as far as I’m concerned.

Mrs. Nobody brought a whole lotta drama to my door step over the weekend and mehnnn…thank God for emi mimo (Holy Spirit) and the fact that I love my face & body too much and can’t afford letting anyone beat me biko. I stay away from all this mighty Igor wannabes. Mi o le ro ejo (I can't talk abeg) The girl is like a raging amazon so I had to respect myself and not succumb to her bipolar behavior. This whole neighbor business however reminded me of my neighbor in Port Harcourt.

So I lived in a building that only had 2 flats (one on the lower level & the other at the top), and we lived in the lower level flat. My neighbor was married to a European expatriate. Now according to her – not me oo, she was the one who jejely told me & everyone else her stories.
She said she used to work as a hooker there in Port Harcourt for many years and frequented hotels\bars\joints frequented by expartes. It was at one of this joints that she met her husband. How she managed to land this man, I do not know. This couple were like night and day. Him: well educated, engineer at a multinational oil & gas company; sharp dresser, handsome but a bit on the older side. She: illiterate, cannot construct one sentence in proper English grammar, her skin is part black, part yellow, part brown with green veins popping, all in her attempt to look like someone from obodo oyinbo; zero dress sense – I had to stop her from leaving the compound a few times due to the clownish outfit she had on each time and she thinking she’s Elizabeth Taylor or so. Mchewww. I would run out of my flat soon as I spot her in any of those questionable outfits trying to leave the gate.

Me: Aunty, biko are you going out
Neighbor: Ehen Cinderella (Yup, she called me Cinderella when she was in a good mood), how na.
Me: Aunty,  I dey….. ke kwanu. Are you going out like that?
Neighbor: (cheesing ecstatically) You like am? Na my Oyinbo husband buy am come from obodo oyinbo. I be wan go wan parti with my friend for Presidential.
Me: Aunty, mba, you no go fit commot with this obodo oyinbo dress. Oya biko, go commot am now. No go disgrace us wey dey live for this compound.

Sighhhhhh, yup this was our conversation many a time.

Then one day o, just one day like that I came home and Sule the gate-man after locking the gates behind me said “Aunty, madam wey dey up don born.

Me: Born? Born wetin?
Sule: ahn…. Ahn…. Aunty, pickin nau.
Me: Pickin ke? She get belle before? I've not seen any belle on that woman before so where the pickin come from?
Sule: ahhh small madam, I no know oo. Na so she just come back home today come talk say she don born.

And so I stood there transfixed at the news I just heard. How could she have been pregnant and I would not know? She’s not plus size at all so there’s no way she could have hidden the pregnancy under her weight or body fat, so please where did this baby come from?

Anyways, as the small madam I was then I bought a box of diapers and a box of wipes and decided to go visit my neighbor. I entered and went straight to the bassinet, ready to coo at a delicious looking baby, but instead there was a baby wayyyyyyy darker in complexion that most babies by 2 naturally dark complexion people, staring right back at me. Aunty was married to an Oyinbo man so please where did this dark child come from? I honestly couldn't carry the baby cos I literally was in shock. Was I really about to find out a real life example of a cheating wife, who got knocked up & passing another man’s baby as her husbands’? Omo, it’s not every day I come across complex mouthwatering gist like this in my quiet life. My head was in overdrive as I watched her drinking gin like it was water. After a while I retreated to my house. She was not being talkative that day so there was no gist for me per the baby.

And then one day, just like she randomly does, she spots me in my kitchen through my open windows and goes “Cindellela, this heat no dey disturb you? Wia you dey abeg make we gist”.
Lollll, as the gist loving person that I was\still am, I decided to go outside my flat and sit with her around the flower beds under the shade and enjoying the evening breeze. Then she started:

Neighbor: Amerikana (another one of the many names she had for me), you no dey look my baby since I born am?
Me: Palms turned upward – aunty I dey look am o. The boy fine well well. E resemble im papa. You try.
Neighbor: (Smiling), Hummmm if you know the kain wahala this belle thing give me ehn; All these years wey my belle no gree born pickin for my Oga. Hummm na so my friend tell me about this baba, say make we go see am, say the baba e good for people wey wan born.
Me: (Ohhhhh sheeeeeet!! There’s a baba involved here? This story is about to get good) Aunty, biko wait make I get something. I return 30 seconds later with my plantain chips & half frozen bottle of Fanta (the one I had been hiding in the freezer for days like this). Lolll. Aunty oya kontinu.
Aunty: Na so the baba come mix some black thing for me o and some leaf wey green, come tell me say make I dey drink am every day, dey rub my belle too every day, say belle go enter.  After small time I come see say I don get belle.
Me: hummm.....na wa o......ehn..hen. 
Aunty: Na im na. I come happy when i get the belle. My oga happy sooooo te. Na so i come born the pickin and the boy come black like that. My oga dey ask say na why the pickin color be like that but your know all this oyinbo people and their qwesion ehn. I tell am say me i no know o.  People dey talk say na another man get the pickin. But i know say na that black thing the baba give me to drink make the baby come black like that. The thing enter my belle, come mix well with the baby skin, come make am black.  Amerikana, shebi you go school now? Dem no teach you for school say if you drink black tin, your pickin go black?
Me: Sighh (eyes closed & wondering WTH!) Aunty, dem no teach me that one ooooooo but I no too like science that time so maybe i no dey class when dem teach us.

This woman won't kill me o. So the black drink is why her child is dark – as in first cousins of charcoal, kinda dark, and his hair is soooooo nappy. As in not even one curl hiding anywhere on his head kinda nappy!. Arghhhhh aunty oo.

And please o, is it not obvious to the oyinbo husband that this is not his child?

I thought it wasn’t sha until when he was kidnapped by all these Naija Delta kidnappers for 3 weeks. The day he was released ehn, he left from the kidnappers den straight to the airport, and on to Europe –never to come back again.

The Oil & Gas Company showed up at our building a couple of days after he was released, and bundled Aunty and her child out of the house & onto the streets.
Yup, Oyinbo left aunty behind as in completely left her and the kid behind.

I guess whatever “magic” she had been using on him was no longer effective with him being away from her for 3 weeks.

I really don’t know why the bible commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Xoxo

Love is a beautiful thing. 

Not Your Yard Stick

2:21 AM 1 Comments A+ a-



Just before the Christmas holidays, I was passing through Union Station to catch my train as always when I decided to go through a short route in the same station to get ahead of the crowd looming ahead. I saw a familiar physique and I hesitated a bit to see if the person would turn fully around, and he did briefly but didn't see me. He was in some sort of corner talking to someone so I walked towards there to say hello, then I saw he was with a girl so I slowed down, walked sideways, backwards (Yes, I know...I know.... Warris my business there) till I was within earshot of his conversation. I actually wanted to say hello to him but I decided to "survey" the situation so I won't spoil runs for him. This guy was speaking with an English accent (I could almost swear that this boy has never lived in the U.K before so I was already giggling). In the fleet 1 or so minutes of his conversation with the girl that I overheard, I heard him say, "like I was saying, you are such a beauty, yeah, I couldn't help myself yeah, I’m so flustered right now, your number yeah, I don't really do this, yeah.....” all the while looking nervous and turning his head around.



So I’m not going to jump into conclusion about the fact that "ol boy was probably trying to holler at a girl with that phony accent, or especially with the fact that he's married.
My thing is Prince William wanna be is always always on IG flaunting what a spectacular husband he is to his beautiful wife (She is really beautiful o), and what an amazing marriage it is. Why the need to flaunt your spectacular relationship on Social media that after all isn't so spectacular if you know you are not exactly faithful to your spouse?
Please and please, if you know you are NOT faithful to your spouse or just a plain shitty spouse, you might want to think thrice before trying to convince the whole world you are in paradise. The truth is most of us don't care. And the joke is on you when we find you in compromising situations.
All these mini ashewo men running the streets.......



I should rather end on this note: This post is meant really for the men and women who are envious of what people try to make them believe on Social Media. NEVER EVER use someone's relationship as your yard stick. You really don't know what's going on in someone else's life. Most people only show what they want people to believe. Don't compare your man to that girl's man just because he bought her an SUV or her sparkler came in a Tiffany box. Truth is she'll trade her life for yours in a heartbeat! Men, don't be wishing your woman was hawt like that girl, or if only she came from a wealthy home like that girl (You probably didn't even realize she can't even boil rice for her own husband right? & someone comes from out of the country to cook enough for months at a time, & sex is once a month if the month is good). Yup, lots of bullshit going on around here. Be happy and content with what you have. The grass is not always greener on the other side












73 Hours RCCG Marathon Praise Happening NOW!!

2:33 PM 2 Comments A+ a-







Hey Lovies, the annual Praise Marathon in honor of Daddy GO's 73rd birthday is happening right now - until Thursday March 5th. It's nonstop 73 hours live worship and praise .

We've enjoyed a host of worshipers since the event started yesterday, and indeed Heaven is alive, rejoicing...


I just want to remind someone that when you've prayed and prayed, sowed, fasted all manner of fasts, and your burden still remains, it means it's time to shift to praises. God hears when you praise him. He must answer to his accolades, to your worship of him.

Praise works wonders. Ope l'onje re! Enjoy the live video....