Craziest Hoeism Story Ever......& its on the Internet

9:59 AM 5 Comments A+ a-

Hummm, i swear ehnn, the things people share in this world.....
I came across this story that's trending on Yankee Twitter, and it's about this girl who is a self proclaimed hoe (Biko, how person go give herself that kain title ehn? Pls somebody rationalize this thing for me). Anyhoos, this girl shares the most epic hoe gist EVER!! I spent a really good portion of my time reading this thing and i swear my vocabulary will not be the same, neither will my already cray...cray sexual inuendos.
It's a long read but i swear it is very worth it! Just get some tea and balance some where. I literally LOL reading this and i'm for anything that makes people laugh.....really.
So here's the link below. I'll see if i can capture all the tweets so you dont have to open another link but in the meantime.....
Ohhh also, please take off your self righteous garment and leave it at the entrance before you start reading.. Yeah, i just said that! RELAX!!

http://m.imgur.com/a/WDwyW


Amala Makes People Black.....Eba Makes People Yellow

10:01 PM 11 Comments A+ a-

Hiiiiiiiii My Loves,

What shall we be talking about today?

So I was gisting with my girl Dolapo the other day and the conversation veered towards black edible items, in this case black cake fondant. My birthday is coming up and I told Dolapo I didn’t want black fondant because I don’t eat black things. I don’t eat or drink anything dark. I have serious aversion issues to anything dark. Yes, I don’t eat chocolate. I’ve never liked chocolates. When I was a child and other children would lust after chocolate, I would be the only child going in the opposite direction. Not just chocolate, I don’t drink coke… EVER. I mean, I’ve tasted coke before but I don’t know if I’ve ever swallowed more than a mouthful in my entire life. Yes, it’s that bad. I was a full blown adult before I would eat amala. Yup. I sucked that much. As a matter fact, there is a running joke… more like a funny narration of me in my family. So when I was little (think Primary school days), when anyone would offer me amala to eat, I would start crying that I want eba instead. If they ask why I don’t want amala I would say Noooooo I dun want, amala makes people black….. eba makes people yellow. I wan ebaaaaa. Lollllll.

There is NOTHING anyone could do to make me touch chocolate, coke, amala, or anything edible that’s dark in color. Please ask me where this cray….cray aversion came from o biko.

(Abeg I was just about 4/5 yrs old I think when all of these started so please don’t criticize my thinking).

So in primary school (Grace Children School, Gbagada) there was this girl in my class whom I was good friends with. Her name is Tokunbo (Let me not mention her last name). Tokunbo was dark in complexion, if I remember correctly her gum was also black. Everything was just black. See I am fair in complexion, everyone in my house is fair-ish too…..for some reason maybe I expected everyone in the world to be fair. This is until I got to Grace and I met Tokunbo. She was a very lovely girl, but mehnnn I would just stare at her all day, wondering ehnnn how can someone be this dark in complexion for goodness sake ehn. And she didn’t help matters at all either. When we were served milk in school – we had options of chocolate, plain or strawberry milk during snack time, this Tokunbo will now choose chocolate milk. Every day she would come to school with chocolates. When they ask us what we want to drink per sodas, Tokunbo will now say Coke. When they ask us in class what our best food is, everyone will be saying Jollof rice or fried rice, or dodo, or spaghetti  oooo. Please guess what Tokunbo will say. AMALA!! Ahnn ahnn.

That’s how me I started thinking it was Amala, Coke, Chocolate that made Tokunbo black in complexion oo.
Of course when I got older I knew none of those things had an influence on her complexion but I think my head is now too warped to function otherwise. Bottom line is I was traumatized.
I have since started eating Amala…. Once every other month or so, but I won’t drink coke or eat chocolate at all. I will eat Cadbury’s Eclairs though and that is the only candy that has chocolate I would eat, but will not go near a Kit Kat\Hershey Bar etc… Hellz Nah! I would rather drink ogi than drink coke, and I HATE ogi!!

I also won’t eat chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream! Why?? What for? Why would anyone make a delicious dessert like that so black? What if there was a cockroach in it how would you see it? You people play too much abeg.

Loll….. so there it is. That’s my weird story. Dolapo made me share this by the way!


Ohhh so errrrm yeah, I think I need a shrink right? How do I over come this weirdness? Anyone got any ideas? loll I'm for real o cos y'all don't take me serious at all!




Xoxox

Savannah