Toothpick or Cucumber, Does Size Really Matter?
This is 2016, and we are all going to have to get with the
program. We can have conversations about sex, and nobody will die from it. I
think sha.
Sex is not food, yeah yeah we know. All my spirikoko people say that, therefore we acknowledge that ahead of this conversation so you all don’t have to remind us.
Sex is not food, yeah yeah we know. All my spirikoko people say that, therefore we acknowledge that ahead of this conversation so you all don’t have to remind us.
I’m here watching an episode of NCIS and for some random reason I
remember this girl I had met in Port Harcourt some years back. So now, boo at
that time felt married women were the only ones I ought to hang out with
because apparently they are all saints. It was a major issue having single
friends then because they were not mature enough, could not advise properly,
did not have the right type of experience….yadi..yadi…yah.
It was during this period of befriending married girls that I met
this very beautiful girl. When I say beautiful, I mean BEAUTIFUL like she could
have been mami water (Mermaid). I’m dead serious. She’s a bit younger than I am, and had
married early. Her husband was a Naija-Delta big boy and spoiled this girl with
all the best money could buy. I mean she had the latest version of several
cars, her house was every woman’s dream home; wardrobe to die for. But her
husband was physically humm, hummm, I’m thinking of the right words to use here
without disrespecting God’s creation. Let’s just say the man get as he be.
Of course the story of why she married him had to do with money.
He spotted her while she was still in secondary school and the man intended on
dying on top her matter. He sought her parents out and doled out major dough
to a family that was struggling with the promise of rehabilitating the entire
family. She had no choice but to marry him. She did, bore a daughter for him
and decided to focus on finishing her degree in college.
One day, my home girl and I met her sitting at the VIP section of
a lounge with another man, a hunk of a man, and their hands were in every place
but in the air or in their pockets. I wasn’t sure of what to make of the scene
as my other friend who introduced us was not shocked at what we walked into. During
the course of a few weeks, we always saw her with this same hunk. Apparently
she met this hunk of hers at a wedding she attended in Abuja which he also flew
in from Port Harcourt for, they had a one night romp in Abuja and the rest they
say is history. In short sha, he was servicing her.
So one day I had to ask her what was going on because I knew she
was married to Oga one kind..one kind. She spoke kindly and full of gratitude
about her husband, about how he changed her life, and that of her entire family
and she did love him but mehnnnn his penis was like a toothpick.
I swear I fell off the stool I was sitting on from laughter
because I was not expecting that from her at all. Ohh boy! His penis is like a
tooth pick? Did you not know that before you married him? These were questions
I asked and she was like the courtship was short, no premarital testing, and
the way the man usually tucked his oversize shirt and under shirt in his pants
always made it look like there was considerable coverage in that area.
I sat looking at her in shock, scratching my weave. I started
throwing all manner of solutions to her: couldn’t she have tried different
sexual positions, viagra, pump (I wonder if there’s anything that actually
physically pumps a penis)?
I mean, couldn’t she just lay there and imagine it was Idris Elba
with a cucumber that was on top of her? There had to be something she could
have done besides having a “service friend”? Usually when I hear of major
indiscretions like this I try to be neutral, so I tried putting myself in her
shoes – not judging, and also ask myself is sex really that serious? Especially
if you have a spouse that is great in all other areas, would I be bold enough
to have a utility service man if my husband’s penis could be likened to a tooth
pick? I mean God forbid bad thing abeg. (Dear God, please don’t let this be my
portion, because of all these things I write… I beg you..I beg you....I really really beg you in Jesus Name, Amen.)
But on a more serious note, is it really that bad? Does the size
of a penis really matter? Would you creep on your man if he had a toothpick
instead of a cucumber? You know how some people say the size doesn’t really
matter, it’s what the owner can do with it that matters. Can anyone please
validate this?
If your man were to be a great person but this was his one
shortcoming, couldn’t you just live with it? Abi God forbid bad thing for you
too?
Xoxox
Savannah
5 comments
Write commentsSize does matter. I'd today do what she's doing, have a service guy on standby. Can't do away with the money, comfort and security just for sex but I'll for sure be getting my mojo outside.
ReplyHahahahahaha... Abeg I don't know o
Reply13 ways to surprise your husband without spending a dime
As a guy from my little experience*winks winks @my cuz Savannah*Size does matter to women just like the booty does to us,men. When a brother's got that Ghetto D like Usher "No Limit",mehn*rotflr*lol*lmao*Let's just say it's so bad some chicks can claim they're pregnant to hook a brother down but not me*moonwalks with style*hahaha*lol*mbok person no need Billie Jean drama...
ReplyI agree with @Akinayo. Size does matter to women as study has shown women are attracted to men with large genitals just like the booty matters to men. I wouldn't blame her sha because I cant imagine myself in that situation God forbid bad thing.
ReplyP.S. Being a guy still has some advantages sha - you can see hiw big her boobs and booty is and decide if you want her. Even if she is not good in bed, you can teach her but for ladies there is no way to know how big his package is unless you've seen him naked. Chai!
Lol.. I never even thought about this advantage you mentioned oo but you are so dead on. A guy can decide on the spot if the girl's assets work or not, but women are ...........on a long thing.
Reply