Da heck kinda man are you dating?

11:35 PM 0 Comments A+ a-

Da heck kinda man are you dating?


Hello Lovies,

How are you all doing today? I hope your week has been awesome. Mine certainly has. Loving each day more and more! Now that’s was’up.

So, after digging through our archives of man gists, we remembered a very funny story from 2005. I actually remembered this story because my cousin who experienced this issue just sent me a message on whatsapp and I was just thinking “see how far we’ve all come o. Gone are the bullshit of yesteryears. Now we are all grown and wiser.  While chatting with my cousin, I told the rest of the group who I was chatting with and instantly we all remembered the gist from 2005.

Oya, for privacy sake, let’s refer to my cousin as Folake. Folake moved to yankee like in early 2000’s and was hustling just like every young Nigerian girl back then; holding down multiple jobs and going to school at the same time. Well, she was also hustling relationships at that time. I use the word hustling because she was so bent on having a serious relationship and getting married back then. I use the word hustling because girls our age were just happy dating then. We were in our early to mid-twenties and my cousin is a lot younger than we are and had just hit the original acceptable legal age worldwide of 21 so what was the rush about settling down at that time? I tire, seriously.

Anyway, so sometime in 2005, all the girls were at my house chilling and Folake came by as well. We girls all had dates later that night so we were just hanging out till date time with our men. We mentioned this to Folake so she wouldn’t get too comfy and all. Folake was like “ehn, you people are going where? With who?  To go and do what? Are you people serious right now? Haaa egbami o, what kind of man am I with for goodness sake!” Now, anyone who knows Folake knows she’s dramatic and theatrical when she’s emotional so it was just hilarious watching her ask a million questions at once.

It turns out Folake was dating a  guy that was about 10 years older than she was (awon bros) and he was just down right trifling. They had been together for about 4 months then and the guy had never ever, as in lailai, never ever taken her out to the movies or to eat at a restaurant. You trust me now; I was like “what the hell’! WHY? Folake said anytime she asks bros to take her out to the movies his response would always be: “Mofie ke (movie ke), to do what? Do you know how much I pay for my cable T.V every month? Have you finished watching all the channels on it? When you finish watching them I’ll take you to the mofie theater”.
At this point all the girls were rolling on the floor in laughter. So one of the girls now asked why they had never gone out to eat. I mean, every couple has been on at least a few dinner or lunch dates now. Well, except Folake of cos. She said bros would say “you want to go out to eat? What happened to the elubo and yam I bought from the African store? Don’t you know how to cook? What kind of food will they give you at Mickey D’s that you can’t cook at home? My friend enter the kitchen abeg”.

At this point no one was sitting upright at all. We were laughing so hard our ribs were hurting. I mean, like seriously men actually behave that way?  I felt really bad for Folake then and there was a unanimous advice that she needed to do away with bros. How cheap and stingy can a man be in a relationship?
This leads to my question to you: what is the most hideous or cheapest thing you’ve ever experienced in a relationship?

I’ll tell you one of mine real quickly. An ex’s mother once told me that my ex (her son) is so stingy that the only birthday card he ever gave her (pre yours truly of course) was a birthday card one of his ex-girlfriend’s gave him. The front of the card said “Happy birthday to my lover”, and the inside ehn, okay so you know you write the name of the recipient at the top and your name (the giver) at the bottom right. Well ex, had crossed out his ex-girlfriend’s name at the bottom and wrote his name there and also crossed out his name that the ex-had written before and wrote his mum’s name there!...lol... ohh Jesus!

Yes people, there are such men out there like that. It is my prayer in my night vigil this week that God will bind every such man and dissipate them from your life. May your paths never cross, even on 3rd mainland bridge traffic. In Jesus Name we pray Amen!
Lol….. toodles, and have an amazing weekend!

***These stories are all real. No fiction at all***



Love is a beautiful thing……………………….. 

The 3rd leg! Is it that important?

11:58 AM 14 Comments A+ a-

Hello Lovies,

How have you all been? Mehnnn, it has been unseasonably cold here o. As in, person just dey vibrate unnecessarily all in the name of cold weather. I hear some other states have it worse than we do so I guess I should count my blessings bah! Issoright….I dey count am.

How’s your new year going? Any revelations yet? Have you found out what God’s purpose for you in 2014 is? Well, part of mine is to write, and write I shall until my biro runs out of ink. Hehehehe…

See, I’ve been thinking about what to write for this week. I had to search through my mental database of unending interesting gist and it hit me! The 3rd Leg! You do know what the third leg is right? You don’t? As in you really don’t? Chai! My readers fall my hand small biko. The 3rd leg is the smaller leg between a man’s 2 legs! Yeahhhhhhhhh that one! See as sunshine just burst forth on your face…lol.. ohh.. una no go kill person with laughter abeg. Yup, the 3rd leg is a man’s penis.

Anyhow sha, this 3rd leg business came about from my friend’s love life. For privacy sake, we’ll call my friend Kate and her Oga at the top, we’ll call him Ikemefuna. Kate and I used to work together (she has since moved on) but she was probably my closest work pal at that time. We had our lunches together, shared dating tips\experience, tried different diet fads together and of ‘cos our summer walks. Kate has always had bad experiences with men, in fact I used to suggest that we go to one river to wash her head or something cos the thing get as e be. This was the case until 2 summers ago when things suddenly changed. She went to a congressional event and met a lovely man there. The oga foineeeeee as in not babyface or Shemar Moore type of fine o, I mean a rugged kind of handsome. He was a top level aide to one of the senators so he had access to all the crème de la crème events going on around the country. He also studied law so he was quite intelligent and so not hood at all. In short sha, this oga stand well-well.

Kate was so excited about him, everything about him was so exciting. He was always taking her to places. He would call at 4pm and say: Katie, be ready by 6pm, we are catching a flight to Washington DC tonight for a gala or a ball. Omo, the trips na to die. He showered her with love, attention (weekly flowers. etc.) and he spent money on her; he was just every girl’s dream man. Now, let me say this, we girls have a 90 day rule (yes, such things exist). You spend 90 days getting to know the guy (nothing intimate happens in this 90 days). We figured 90 days is enough to know if this is going to be a substantial relationship and if not, you gats to get the stepping! 
Usually, we don’t tell the guy that he’s on a 90 day probation period but in this case, Kate opened that her mouth and told Ikemefuna the deal. Surprisingly, he was fine with it. Kate did confess that they stole a few kisses within that period but no touching etc. happened and he was fine with it. He didn’t even pressure her at all. Mehnnn, as the naija in me now, I started getting suspicious. As in una chop mouth and bros’ hands did not even wander? He didn’t even complain at all? I didn’t know men like that still existed o. Usually it’s a battle to get guys to agree to this once they find out. Anyway, there was nothing we could do but wait for 90 days to be over sha. And over it was!! Kate said that summer was hands down the best summer of her life!

On their 100th day anniversary, Kate planned a lil’ some’tin…some’tin at her apartment. I mean flowers, candles, wine, lobsters, and the guy’s favorite musician (Music Soul Child and Kem) were blaring from her speakers. This was something straight out of a movie scene. But you know we women now, when we like a guy, WE LIKE A GUY! And we put it down! The guy had showered her with so much love, attention, gifts etc. in those 100 days and she felt he truly deserved the cookie more than some foolish elements who unfortunately got it before, and what better way than to sexify the whole thing. Kate even got some naughty wears at Fredericks of Hollywood (they must thank me for this free publicity). The stage was perfectly set! All we needed was Action! In fact, I was hugging my phone the entire time waiting for an update from her. The update came at around 2 am. “Savannah, I’m going to need a therapist”!

Ewwwoooooo, Therapist ‘ginni? What happened now? Kate said, everything was so perfect at first. He came in and was utterly blown away at the setup Kate had for him. He was like “at this rate, he would be an idiot not to start shopping for a ring”. They ate, danced to Kem, they drank wine and then Kate led him to the bedroom. Kate said while they were making out her hand kept reaching for the 3rd leg but the thing was just not bulging like she was expecting so she thought maybe it was the way Ikemefuna packed it. Eventually, they undressed and the revelation of a life time was before her. She said the 3rd leg was like half of a hot dog (and this was its full length o). She said she couldn’t hide her disappointment. She even gasped “what in the world……is that…..is that”. Mehnn, oga was embarrassed o. She said she tried to recover and she apologized and they still went at it but no matter the angle, she didn’t feel there was anything in her.

This was the issue for the next few weeks until Kate came to my office one morning, coffee in hand and said “Sav, I can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore. I need a functioning 3rd leg. I can’t do anything with what Ikemefuna has”. I was like wow…. I didn’t really know what to say to her. One thing I did ask was this: is the 3rd leg that important enough to be a deal breaker? I mean, let’s look at this very well ehn, you date those sorry misfortunes and they treat you like crap, but their 3rd leg is in the area of Bugatti, but Ikemefuna treats you like a lady, but his 3rd leg is in the realms of keke maruwa. You’ve got to pick one! Which one would you choose?

Kate dumped Ikemefuna that same week just for that sole reason. She said she couldn’t do it. So almost 2 years later, she’s dating a guy but she admits her life is not anywhere near as exciting as it was with Ikemefuna.

What do you think? Is the 3rd leg really a deal breaker?   

Toodles.. And have a fantastic weekend!


Love is a beautiful thing