Toothpick or Cucumber, Does Size Really Matter?

8:07 AM 5 Comments A+ a-


This is 2016, and we are all going to have to get with the program. We can have conversations about sex, and nobody will die from it. I think sha.
Sex is not food, yeah yeah we know. All my spirikoko people say that, therefore we acknowledge that ahead of this conversation so you all don’t have to remind us.
I’m here watching an episode of NCIS and for some random reason I remember this girl I had met in Port Harcourt some years back. So now, boo at that time felt married women were the only ones I ought to hang out with because apparently they are all saints. It was a major issue having single friends then because they were not mature enough, could not advise properly, did not have the right type of experience….yadi..yadi…yah.
It was during this period of befriending married girls that I met this very beautiful girl. When I say beautiful, I mean BEAUTIFUL like she could have been mami water (Mermaid). I’m dead serious. She’s a bit younger than I am, and had married early. Her husband was a Naija-Delta big boy and spoiled this girl with all the best money could buy. I mean she had the latest version of several cars, her house was every woman’s dream home; wardrobe to die for. But her husband was physically humm, hummm, I’m thinking of the right words to use here without disrespecting God’s creation. Let’s just say the man get as he be.
Of course the story of why she married him had to do with money. He spotted her while she was still in secondary school and the man intended on dying on top her matter. He sought her parents out and doled out major dough to a family that was struggling with the promise of rehabilitating the entire family. She had no choice but to marry him. She did, bore a daughter for him and decided to focus on finishing her degree in college.
One day, my home girl and I met her sitting at the VIP section of a lounge with another man, a hunk of a man, and their hands were in every place but in the air or in their pockets. I wasn’t sure of what to make of the scene as my other friend who introduced us was not shocked at what we walked into. During the course of a few weeks, we always saw her with this same hunk. Apparently she met this hunk of hers at a wedding she attended in Abuja which he also flew in from Port Harcourt for, they had a one night romp in Abuja and the rest they say is history. In short sha, he was servicing her.
So one day I had to ask her what was going on because I knew she was married to Oga one kind..one kind. She spoke kindly and full of gratitude about her husband, about how he changed her life, and that of her entire family and she did love him but mehnnnn his penis was like a toothpick.
I swear I fell off the stool I was sitting on from laughter because I was not expecting that from her at all. Ohh boy! His penis is like a tooth pick? Did you not know that before you married him? These were questions I asked and she was like the courtship was short, no premarital testing, and the way the man usually tucked his oversize shirt and under shirt in his pants always made it look like there was considerable coverage in that area.
I sat looking at her in shock, scratching my weave. I started throwing all manner of solutions to her: couldn’t she have tried different sexual positions, viagra, pump (I wonder if there’s anything that actually physically pumps a penis)?
I mean, couldn’t she just lay there and imagine it was Idris Elba with a cucumber that was on top of her? There had to be something she could have done besides having a “service friend”? Usually when I hear of major indiscretions like this I try to be neutral, so I tried putting myself in her shoes – not judging, and also ask myself is sex really that serious? Especially if you have a spouse that is great in all other areas, would I be bold enough to have a utility service man if my husband’s penis could be likened to a tooth pick? I mean God forbid bad thing abeg. (Dear God, please don’t let this be my portion, because of all these things I write… I beg you..I beg you....I really really beg you in Jesus Name, Amen.)
But on a more serious note, is it really that bad? Does the size of a penis really matter? Would you creep on your man if he had a toothpick instead of a cucumber? You know how some people say the size doesn’t really matter, it’s what the owner can do with it that matters. Can anyone please validate this?
If your man were to be a great person but this was his one shortcoming, couldn’t you just live with it? Abi God forbid bad thing for you too?

Xoxox
Savannah
 

Would You Return Extravagant Gifts From a Suitor?

7:58 AM 2 Comments A+ a-


Heyyyyyyy y'all, So I'm continuing to post write-ups that I've supplied other blogs here for you guys who never got to see them!
It’s October 15, and it’s my birthday. I wake up to see a barrage of birthday messages on my phone; mbok, Naija people una no dey sleep? Ahn…ahn, it’s all love though and I love you all back. Among the birthday shout outs was a message from a toaster. Now this toaster is a little bit on the older side, around the 10-15 years range, but was a single man looking to settle down again.
Let’s call him Kashamaawo. Kashamawo has been on my case for donkey years and my response has always been “bros, you are a bros and I want it to remain that way. I cannot venture into that age gap, too much for me plus I don’t want to be that boo that’s got a boo.” Bros, will always say, “okay I hear you.” He will go date someone else to my relief, and since they all don’t work out he will come back saying, “Savannah now, I won’t be going through all this heartbreak if only you would say yes to me.”

Anyway, this is my birthday and I have to go to work as usual so I get ready, in high spirit, fielding phone calls and texting as I open my door to leave my house. Right in front of my house is a big ass red bow on top of something. The bow is so big I can barely tell what’s underneath it. It turns out to be a car. A brand new, ochara, chassis Toyota Camry. My handbag flies off my hand as I walk towards the car in shock and apprehension, wondering who, where, how, for who. A man comes out of another car parked in my neighbor’s parking spot; he’s holding a white envelope and walks towards me. Are you Miss Akinsolo/Akinlo/Akinsoro/, I’m sorry Miss I don’t know how to pronounce your name. I turned and gave him that – “is it my father’s name you just butchered like that” look – then said “why are you asking?”
I be Naija girl now, we don’t claim our own selves until we know why. Too much stories that touch the heart these days.
The man proceeds to say well if you are, this brand new car is for you courtesy of Mr. Kashamaawo, Happy Birthday.

I freeze where I am, not sure if I should cry, scream, be happy, be frustrated, I mean how do I explain this to people. Why on earth has Bros Kashamaawo resulted in using such an expensive gift in winning me over? I then tell the car man, biko I do not want. Please take it back and tell Kashamaawo thanks but no thanks. I get into my Passat and drive to work, still wondering if my head is correct for sending the car back. I mean, can’t I just accept it and still maintain the bros\sis relationship? Would this sit well with my parents? The boo? Abi over reading of the Bible is worrying me? Because any normal thinking young woman would not return this gift.

Kashamaawo calls but I refuse to pick up. He pings but I don’t bother opening BBM. More and more calls but I refuse to answer.

Fast forward to the afternoon, I leave work early and get home only to find another big ass bow on another thing again in front of my house! This time it’s a Mercedes E400 4MATIC! If you know this car, you’ll know it’s a badass car.

The same car sales man comes out of his own car with that envelope again; Miss Akinlo/Akinsoro/ Akinsolotu, I am so sorry ma’am; I will get your name right soon. Mr. Kashamaawo felt you were offended with the Toyota so he decided to send this Mercedes instead. I hope we got it right this time around.
At this point, I’m weak. I just walked around the car in amazement; I opened the door to see the inside, and mehnnnn it’s the fully loaded version. I quickly shut the car door and walked towards the entrance of my house, turned and told the sales man, No thanks, please take it away. I quickly entered my house before I changed my mind.
2 minutes later bros Kashamawo starts calling incessantly but I refuse to pick up.

2 hours later, my doorbell rings, and I open it only to see the car sales man outside my house again! Behind him was an even bigger bow on a Range Rover Sport. I immediately started shouting ohhhh myyyyy Lordddd; next thing I felt was someone (my mum) shaking me and talking: Savannah, Savannah, Savanahhhhhhhhhhh, won’t you wake up? It’s past 7am o, what kind of sleep are you sleeping like that…ahn..ahn, come and help me look at this picture I want to use as my Facebook profile picture.

Mcheww, so wait o, I was just dreaming this entire time? No Kashamaawo, no Range? Mehnnnn….

Dear Lovies, what kind of extravagant gifts have you received from toasters, even from the sugar and splenda types.
Xoxox
Savannah

 

Getting closure after you've been dumped!

10:34 AM 1 Comments A+ a-


Heyyy Lovies, this is one of the articles I wrote for Bella Naija, I'm reposting here for those of you who didn't catch it there.. enjoy.!
Closure in a relationship is having an honest, meaningful, non-spiteful, non-condemning discussion with your significant other about why the relationship has ended\needs to end. Closure helps you learn from your mistakes. It teaches you why your relationship did not work out. In many cases it is needed to facilitate the healing process. It just sets one’s mind at ease. And no, that whole “it’s not you, it’s me” ish is not what we are talking about here.
I don’t know if this is a Nigeria thing, or a Black thing – probably not, but I will stick to the audience I am familiar with. Donkey years ago I unfortunately had this experience of being in a relationship that ended without any warning. It was there one day and the next….poof like vapor it evaporated. No warning, no words, no actions, nothing, just gone. One day I had a boo and the next I was boo-less. I swear ehn, that was just wickedness in high places.
See, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the other party walking away from you. As I always say, “The person will be very alright abeg”, it is the “How” the walking away is done that I have an issue with. I personally feel if you walk away from someone you are dating, especially a relationship that has spanned a few years, without so much as a good bye, you are a coward. Plain and simple.
There is everything wrong in not giving your partner some closure. The absence of this near drives the victim crazy, and that is very unfair. Now, I can understand if you walk in on your partner in a telling position with another person; no explanation really needed there.
However, you cannot go to dinner with your person tonight sans any drama, and then you delete their number tomorrow. I have really tried to rationalize this behavior and I can’t seem to understand why you would like or love one person this minute, and without any apparent issues you drop off their life without as much as a single reason.
I remember when this happened to me a long time ago, I was super relieved he was gone because I didn’t enjoy the relationship one bit, but I was miffed at the disappearing act. This nearly drove me crazy. Fast forward to many years later, this guy sent me a message asking me to forgive him for that single act. Mehnnn…I did not respond to his message o, & I have no intention of doing so. In fact, I deleted it immediately. Guilty conscience is such a terrible thing, robbing people of their peace since days of Moses. Let him continue to ponder on what my decision is. I know what my decision was many years ago. You ain’t robbing me of my sleep.
I’ve heard from a couple of friends in the recent past who have had the same poof experiences with guys and to say these ladies were tormented by the unknown reason is putting it lightly.
I know some people will say the person doing the walking away may have chosen that option in other to avoid a messy situation because I know some ladies can go real cray..cray in a beat. It is generally a painful process for at least one half of the two. Nonetheless, a process that I believe one should go through. Believe me when I say you stand to benefit more and grow better if you know. This does not however mean you would hurt less at the reasons if you knew. You could possibly be angrier if you knew why, than if you did not. No one grows wiser without some information.
Unfortunately, in most poof-be gone cases, no matter how much you beg the other party to tell you why, they still wouldn’t. At this point, it’s time to obtain that closure on your own, by coming to terms with what was lost. But really I would consider this loss an absolute blessing. Let your inner strength be the propeller to move you forward.
Closure can take minutes, or even years to find; but one of my favorite things to say is this: “A journey you do not embark on you cannot complete”. You must embark on that process so you don’t take all that garbage into the next relationship. The most important thing is letting yourself heal without that person or a rebound person. Know that you are going to be okay by yourself and everything about your love life will fall into place sooner than you know.
Until then, may God shield us all from all the he/she “demons” walking about o. Amen!
I really want to hear your closure stories, please share. I sha hope they don’t include burning someone’s clothes, slashing tires, egging someone’s car or wrapping the car in shrink wrap o.
 

Blooming Woes

10:30 AM 1 Comments A+ a-



I was a late bloomer.


My much younger version was just a late bloomer at everything. From math to boobs, it took forever for everything to fall into place. I just felt I was a natural born olodo, it explained everything really but nonetheless I couldn’t understand what being an olodo had to do with my boobs not growing when girls my age in my dorm and classroom were already wearing a brassiere.


I was 14 when I starting becoming body conscious. I can be so aloof and very unaware of the world I’m in. My joy and pride back then were in books. I loved reading novels and totally immersed myself in them and used to win prizes for best student in English and English literature so I guess I was not a central olodo. Anyway sha, maybe because of all the reading and mentally teleporting myself to another world constantly, I didn’t realize on time that I was the only one without boobs, and the only one who was not menstruating at that time. It was as if we all went on one long holiday with zero boobs and looking like bamboo sticks; but everyone returned 2+ months later with curves and brassiere (those white cotton ones with lace at the top), and Always sanitary pad. Some even had boobs that could feed a whole nation..ahn..ahn. Everyone except me.


On resumption day, we would check out each other’s provision cupboard stylishly to see what we all brought and those of us besties would merge our provisions together because in boarding school, provision alliance was the key to surviving until the end of the term. I saw the tins of Peak Milk, Milo, Cabin Biscuits & what not, yes….yes, but what were these fuke fuke green and white sanitary pad packs prominently displayed in the cupboards? I swear I believe each girl did this so that anyone passing by would know she had gone through this transitional rite of passage phase. Everyone except me that is.


Upon realizing that I appeared to be the only one without an Always sanitary pad and a white brassiere, I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I then decided that I would join this elite group of girls by all means. I spent every moment I had eaves dropping on conversations about boobs and periods and hips and how to grow these things. Then one day I heard some girls talking about an insect that spins round and round on sand, and you can’t really see it unless you dig for it. All you see while it spins is the circular movement in the sand. For the life of me, I cannot recall its name. Until I heard this gist, I had never heard of this insect before but by the description, I knew I had seen those circular shapes in sand before but never gave it a thought.  Apparently, you take the insect from the sand, and you put it on your chest where the boobs ought to be and let it hang out there for a bit. Repeat on the other side of the chest because you know we don’t want one boob now abi. Then you discard of the insect.


When my dad came to pick me up for the holidays I was super elated to hear we would be spending the weekend at our country home in Ondo town before headed to our Lagos home. I knew there was no way I would find that insect in Lagos because there was no sand like that where I lived so Ondo was the place to find it.


I found this insect under the palm trees in front of our house. I took it to the bedroom and sat staring at it, trying to sum up the courage to put it on my chest. I picked it up many times and thought to myself, Savannah you must do this thing otherwise you will graduate from secondary school without boobs. You will be the only person in the assembly hall writing WAEC with no boobs. Is this how you want to go down in history?


The more sensible part of me remembered her father is a Pharmacist and mother a trained nurse; haven been exposed to many talks on health & medicine I should not try this because my parents will kill me should I catch some disease from this thing riding on my chest.   


The latter prevailed. I returned the insect to its abode.


Then 2 days before school resumed I had a brilliant idea to cut into pieces an old Ankara cloth that belonged to my mum. I cut it into round shapes, took a couple of her bras and started practicing. I would stuff my bra. There was no way I was returning to school without boobs. No way at all. I returned to school and no one even said anything about my new boobs and the fact that there was nothing there when I showered in the presence of other girls as was customary in my school, but there was a soft rise under my uniform when I was fully dressed. I went through all this trouble and these people did not even notice! Hiss.


Then one day the Senior Prefect whom I had been secretly dating showed up in a classroom where I used to go hide to read a novel in other to escape corporal work. He then decided he wanted to kiss me for the first time. He kissed me lightly and then his hands gradually moved from my shoulder trying to proceed to the boobs. Yepa…mogbe…my eyes flew open kia kia at the realization of what was about to happen, and I ran. I ran from that classroom like Forest Gump and didn’t stop till I got to my hostel. I’ve never run that fast in my life, not even on Inter-House sports day. Touch my boobs and then find out they are pieces of cloth?? I don’t think so, not in this 1996 abeg.
Lolll.....

What stories do you have??
Xoxo
Savannah


 

Mother In-Law Drama: Who gets the front seat?

10:21 AM 11 Comments A+ a-



I watched a skit a few days ago that was about a wife, whose mother-in law took the front seat of her son’s car and the wife chastised her husband about his mother’s actions.

Now this may seem petty to a few people, including me. Matter of fact it is petty as hell abeg but this is also a very serious situation because I have come across the same question on different platforms before so obviously it is an issue to some. I have to ask though, why is this even an issue? Are we women that jobless that mama taking the front seat is now something to get angry about? I do not understand the level of pettiness here. As far as I am concerned, I do not see how your mother-in-law taking the front seat reduces your position as her son’s wife.

Please don’t be bothered if this happens to you. Let the woman sit in the front if that’s what she wants, and you seat in the owner’s corner at the back minding your own business jejely. Just be praying she isn’t around for so long, or your husband’s driving makes her nauseous so she won’t want to get in the car at all sef……….lol…. just kidding o.

I honestly feel there is so much else going on, things to do to occupy your time and mind, such that little inconveniences like that should not be enough to break your stride. Now there are some meddlesome mother-in-laws like the one in the skit who just “chanced” the wife, and it looked like an intentional move on her part; someone as described above is just troublesome, and looking for anyway to get at the wife. Please do not fall for old tricks like that. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. In fact, help her adjust her seat well and even the vent so the air conditioning blows in the right direction. In short, help her feel comfortable. But if she had rubbed you the wrong way plenty of times before and you’ve gotten to the point where you want to just explode ehn, biko just don’t even help with making her comfortable, before you kee the poor woman….loll.. just take a deep breath, and maybe throw your husband a stinker eye sef for emphasis…lol… but please don’t start protesting or talking anyhow. Just let it go. It’s just a car ride.

BUT OOOOOO, if mama now decides she wants to take over your bedroom as in sleeping on the same bed with her son – a grown ass man, married man, working man, baba bon boy man; omo you have more problems to worry about o. That is some crazy ish right there. However, guess what, this happens in some households. I really do not know how people handle this thing without losing it.  

Now to the mother-in-law: So really you’re going to sit in the front seat? Let’s call a spade a spade ma, that’s not your place oo at all ma, it’s not your place at all at all…haba. I know he’s your son and that will  never change, but just as I hope you won’t say you want to breast feed your married son because you raised him for donkey years, I hope you will know there are certain places you do not belong within your son’s marriage. Please stop it TODAY!

If your mom is one of the mothers who do this, please ehn, tell her to stop abeg. We have told the wife to allow it gracefully out of respect for the mama and her husband, but I will also implore the Mother-in-law to also change abeg. Everyone needs to do his or her part.

Shikena…
Xoxo....
Sav

Bobo EcoBank

4:13 PM 3 Comments A+ a-


Lagos Boys!



So I just came back from Lasgidi exactly a week ago. Nothing much going on there. Had to jaiye to the max, start a new chapter, jaiye to the max again and then come back home to grind cos you Yankee people are boring baje. I don’t know why but I always somehow have fun when I enter Lagos, this is why I accept contributions to this habit of mine. Lolll…

 Anyways, there’s not much to gist about o except this one incident that happened sha. So I went to Eco Bank on the Island to conduct a transaction. At some point I was told to sit & wait for one guy like that who was attending to another customer. I waited jejely while I took a few phone calls.

Now, Eco bobo’s cube had some kind of divider, so that he could not directly see the face of the person waiting across at the next cube (which is where I was. I was sitting in front of someone’s cube….an empty one). Eco bobo now poked his head across the cube and asked if I was waiting to see him. I nodded yes while at the same time noticing his wedding ring on his fourth finger as he held on to the divider for support. Eco Bobo is a fine boy. We won’t be denying that. Bobo yen fine! Not short, not tall, just average height, and had small ikebe like that (Yes, he walked around at some point & I looked. These days looking with your korokoro eye is important). He is also pupa a little like me with pink lips and a little beard. He now knacked recommended glasses on top am, giving him this nerdy look.

I was like chaii…. Eran re (this is meat), ahn…ahn.. and he’s married. Why na.. loll.. (I’m just kidding ooo).

Anyways, Eco Bobo finished with his customer and told me to move from the seat I was in to the seat in front of him. He now flashed one smile and said, “How may I help you”. In my head I was like ahhh okay, okay, I see your teeth, oti foe yin eh laaro yi (you brushed your teeth this morning, and you have been using Close Up, yes, yes, o kare laiye)lol……….. okay let me behave as I type this all up.

So me too that has been using Crest diligently twice a day I also flashed my teeth back at him as in … ‘Ol boy, you think you’re the only one with flashing teeth?... woju ooo..

And then we started talking about why I was there in the first place, and the conversation became about my Lagos experiences so far. It was actually a very pleasant conversation and the boy was obviously not from A.J town, and honestly, If I was on the market, and he was too I would definitely do him. I meant tea oooooooo. Do tea with him.

Next thing sha, ahn ahn , my eyes went to his left hand again, Lo & Behold oooo, that ring that was on the 4th finger like 15 minutes ago was now on the Index finger!!! Ahhnnnnn Mogbe!

This boy moved his wedding ring 2 spaces sharp…sharp. Habaaaa… Eco Bobo, you fall my hand sha. Why, Why, Why?

Anyways, I’m glad he didn’t try to take it further because I would have pointed out the ring which had magically shifted base. 

Sighhh, this is why dating a guy in that Lagos requires CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, Scotland Yard, 007, Baba Agbalagba, & Baba God! You Lasgidi men are a trip!

Sheeesh….

Xoxoxo
Savannah

United Flight 142

3:44 PM 2 Comments A+ a-


Helllllo Lovies,

 



So right now, I am aboard a United Airline flight (UA142) from Houston to Lagos, a 10.5 hour flight. This would be my second time on this flight. I think my first time was either in 2014 or 2015 and my experience today leaves an awful taste in my mouth just as it did back then. Let's just say future flights can very well be sans United.

Dinner time.

I'm fast asleep when I hear this LOUD voice continue to say repeatedly "Ma'am, would you like something to eat? Sir would you like something to eat". This startled me out of my sleep. I mean, I couldn't possibly be in a 1950's New York City Street market listening to a man announce his wares...right? 

I lift my head up to see who on earth it was, who has no better idea on how to address people. Lo & behold, he was 7 rows ahead of me in another cabin!!! Why so loud mister? Why? Did someone within United tell you we are all deaf of hearing?

This same pattern continued until he got to my row. 

I decided to communicate to him in a tone an octave lower than I normally use in a public place because you know I respect everyone's eardrums, and their right to not lose their eardrums just because they boarded a plane. I had hoped my low tone would help him communicate in a much lower tone with me. Nope, did not help.

Now, (I digress) my preferred airline any day is Emirates!! Heyyyyyy BAE Emirates! 

On Emirates, we get a meal menu card with CHOICES of what we would like to eat. Usually about three to select from, and the meals are tasty too; you know, like tasty human being worthy food, not dog food. Yes, I admit that as a young child I has made the unfortunate curiosity killed the cat mistake of tasting our dog's (Bingo) food. That taste has stayed with me for at least 26 years.

So Mr. loud speaker dumps a tray in front of me. He left behind his courtesy barking of “would like a meal”. I say to him "excuse me, do we have choices to pick from?" He gives me a stare (the where do you think you are, this is not the Beverly Wilshire  stare" for a couple of seconds before finally responding with an irritated voice that really sounded like "don’t ask me 'turd-ish questions miss, but what actually came out of his mouth was " I am serving meatloaf, would you care to join us", as he continued serving the man next to me.

Arghh at this point I was just done with unnecessarily loud tone. No need arguing with this Ginger Garfield as a man person. I proceeded to accept the meatloaf. Ladies & Gentlemen, this had to be the most awful meal any human being had the unfortunate displeasure of eating! I took a bite & immediately spewed it into my napkin. Even Bingo deserves a tastier meal. United Airlines, I can't deal,.....really I can't. 

I spent the entire 10.5 hr or so flight in a state of extreme hunger. 

3 rows in front of me, Loud Speaker Ginger (he did not wear a name badge/tag unlike his colleagues aboard the flight so........) was having a very loud conversation with some gentlemen about the horrible state of the food. He said, "I know... I know... The food is horrible, and nothing like Nigerians like to eat. I've shared this with the company many times, that the food gets wasted every time & flyers are unhappy with what we give them but they never listen to me. I think you guys should write to United directly and let them know how you feel, maybe they will listen to the customer since they dont listen to the staff." He then proceeds to yell out the name of another staff member who was walking by on the other side of the plane. He refers to her as his boss, and then asks for the web address for flyers to give feedback through. He tells her ohh don't worry they won’t say anything bad about those of us on this flight, they just want to report the bad food".

I just need Ginger to go away at this point, I mean like really just zip it & go sit down.

The rest of the flight was good until it was time to prepare for landing.

Again Ginger was back to talking to the men three rows ahead of me. A young lady sitting on the front row (right next to the aisle Ginger was) where people with infants sit, had a baby in hand, and needed help lifting her diaper bag & a very small plastic bag into the overhead bin in front of where Ginger was giving a (SOTAU ) State of the Airplane Union Address (rolls eyes...). She says, "Excuse me" to ginger three times, trying to get his attention but he plays deaf. eventually he snaps at her "Ma'am WHATTTT". She gestures to him & says we have been asked to stow our bags for landing, do you mind helping me put this diaper bag up there? (Note: she was carrying an Infant, & took a hike when God was giving out heights, so she definitely needed help. I should also mention that when we were about to take off, a female air hostess helped her stow the bags away because she was not blind, & could identify a customer/nursing mother in need & probably got an A in customer service class).

Ginger told the woman, No I will not help you lift the diaper bag to the overhead bin because I’m not supposed to. If I lift it & something happens to my back, United won't help me": Besides, as you can see, I am busy having an important conversation here.

I damn near flat lined when I heard the last statement.

He proceeded to collect the tiny plastic bag from her instead & tossed it into the overhead bin, & then told her to put the diaper bag in herself. After handing her baby to someone else, she tried to but she just couldn’t put the bag in properly.

Needless to say I, who is also a mum, with plenty of empathy, & common sense, unbuckled my belt, collected the diaper bag from the woman and put it in the overhead bin, while Ginger continued his SOTAU address. 

I am done with this flight!

Ohhh and the food on my return flight was just as horrible!! I spent the entire flight snacking on my own snacks, & this flight was not bloody free or cheap! 

Somebody please send this to Oscar Munoz (CEO of United Airlines). I would love for him to taste some of this awful, not fit for human or any living species consumption, food. I would love him to go undercover on one of these long distance flights, both on his carrier & that of other airlines (Emirates, Qatar, Ethihad) to see the difference. 

Sigh.... 

Xoxo,
Savannah
I have sine returned to the U.S, although I'm just posting this. There was no freaking Wi-Fi on the 10+ hr flight for me to live post like I've done in the past aboard my Emirates flight.
It's freaking 2016, & there's no Wi-Fi aboard! And to make things worse, to use Wi-Fi from Houston to MD, I would have to pay $8!. I probably spent maximum of $2 on Wi-Fi on a 13hr flight on Emirates.

Community Penises & Side Chicks

10:43 PM 11 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies,

We‘re just going to get right down to it. So earlier today while some of us were in church, there was drama on the Gram, AGAIN!! Ahhhh mean! What is going on with erryone? Can’t we all just get along?

Actually, no, please no one should get along….just yet. So today, it’s all about the side chicks, actually, the nerve of the side chicks and their supporters club.
Annie Idibia, wife to the world famous 2face Idibia called out a woman who apparently has been meddling in Annie’s marriage. Looks like a bad case of side chick getting busted. Below is the screen shot Annie posted on Gram earlier today but she has since it taken down.


Now the gist flowing from SDK’s blog is that the girl in the picture is Bime, Raymond Dokpesi’s niece, and ironically she used to date 2Face before there was Annie.
Anyways, I as a person does NOT give a rats behind if the man disvirgined you, taught you how to drive, how to use a damn fork and knife; payed for your tuition, disvirgined you all over again;👏🏽ONCE 👏🏽HE 👏🏽IS MARRIED 👏🏽TO 👏🏽ANOTHER 👏🏽WOMAN 👏🏽YOU 👏🏽NEED 👏🏽TO BACK 👏🏽OFF!! 👏🏽👏🏽BACK OFF, 👏🏽👏🏽BACK THE HELL OFF.👏🏽👏🏽(Yes, I'm clapping in-between each word). Sisi town council, BACK OFF.

I have read a ton of comments tonight on various platforms about this matter and to say I’m shocked at some of the things I’ve read is putting it lightly. I’ve read of some people who would gladly help the Bime girl oust Annie out of her marriage. Annie’s crime? Oh.. because she publicly outed Bime.
Mehnnnn the nerve some people got though. You want to join hands with the side chicks to ruin someone’s marriage? Some people say Annie deserves whatever poison Bime has brought to her home because when she married 2face she knew she married a community penis. I swear I had to laugh at the nerve, especially when this same people calling 2face a community penis are married to men who are way beyond community penises, but are more like a global penis phenomenon, or better still United Nations Penises. So not only is the community banging your man, but the whole freaking world is, Nigerian girls, Americans, Asians, Jamaicans, Ghanaians, Spanish etc. Yet, this same women are bold enough to think this is okay?

When have we become the type of women who have no shame really? People take this internet liberation shebang way beyond necessity. Mice becoming lions behind computers, people caught up in this fake luxe life they see on the internet, social climbers arrant everywhere. All these nonsense fuels the arrogance that accompanies “Yes, I’m sleeping with your husband, and if you’re not careful I will have thugs beat the crap out of you just before I kick your ass out of your home and marry your husband”. ......Sheeesh, rada, rada spewing.


Yes, there have been mistresses from days of old, and unfortunately a lot of men lack the discipline we women so desperately need them to have, therefore they become community penises. HOWEVER, there is no community without people in it. A penis does not become community anything if there are no community women to put it in. When the penis comes, you can freaking say NO, THANK YOU. It’s that simple. Really, it is VERY simple. I don’t know how these women sleep at night.


I've also heard people say "ehn, how many side chicks can one blame or take down, it is the man who is solely to blame". I DISAGREE 200%. How about we all practice individual personal accountability for goodness sake!! Listen, we have armed robbers in every part of the world, it almost seems like for every gang taken down three more erupt, even more dangerous than the ones already in jail. Has that ever stopped banks from taking security measures (personal accountability a.k.a. do your own part) No bank has ever said "well, it doesn't matter what we do, there will always be thieves trying to rob us so we might as will leave the door wide open, not hire security personnel, no need for vaults, no need for bullet proof windows separating cashiers from non-banking staff, tracking devices etc.".
No bank has ever said that. So stop blaming the men ALONE. You, who keeps opening your ass to them is just as much to blame.


There is NO dignity is snatching another person’s husband. There is no dignity being the side chick. I don’t care how much you think he loves you, I don’t care how much he gives you – get your ass working and you won’t need a man to feed you. There’s just no dignity being a shameless thot. You can do better!! Let’s put aside that crap about “I don’t care what people say about me”; actually you do care when you are within the confines of your privacy. Being disgraceful and saying you don’t care is you trying to say you are bigger than what people think of you, therefore unaffected by it. Unfortunately you do care what people think about you that’s why you allow a man that cannot peacefully be yours fool you. Any woman who can be above what others think is one that is smart enough not to be caught in this ratchet side thot lifestyle.

Get out of it today! Today! Get out of it. You deserve better. You can have better, you can do better. Why do you keep your va**na stuck on the bus line when you can walk into a car dealership and get a very dope car that’s all yours.
What legacy are you leaving behind? Will your children be proud of you? Your parents? Now I know some thots were raised by senior thots so I can understand it’s a family disease. But for you who was raised by decent human beings but somehow unfortunately found herself as a side chick, could you boldly tell your parents, your children, or your pastor/any other authority figure in your life, that you are a side chick? If you can’t, you need to be sensible and get out of there. Now for those of you who can boldly tell your parents, children, pastors that you sleep with married men and threaten to or even go ahead with beating their wives, listen, you are not of this world. Let’s just say it, you do not belong here!


This matter got me so riled up tonight! Phewwwww. I need to go lay down.

Remember, there is no community penis if there are no community vaginas. Lock yours up, and the penis will be forced to be a single citizen, and not United Nations.

Have a blessed week y’all.

 Xoxo
Savannah

Welcome to 2016!

12:13 AM 0 Comments A+ a-

Hiii Loves,

Happy New Year! I’m so super thankful for so many things. I’ve missed writing, but I needed the break to just chill, think, pray, wait on God, hear, think again, pray some more, gather momentum for my 2016 goals. I don’t do New Year resolutions. I stopped a few years ago and it works for me. However I have goals that I do not seriously set because I can be hard on myself, feeling disappointed in myself if I do not achieve what I planned to do. This just results in unconscious self-loath that just worsens everything. Now this is some form of reverse psychology for me and it works for me. At the end of the day I’m good. What works for you? How do you kick off a new year/season? I would love to hear!

So it’s a new month today! I can’t believe it’s already a month into the new year, as in!! I was just in Dubai for the New Year on vacation. How does time fly like this?
I hope to God everyone who visited this blog last year made it through into the New Year and is already on a great sail for 2016. I wish I had a magic wand and I could just wave it, wipe all your tears away, grant you all your heart’s desires…. Just make life perfect for you. One day sha…
I’ll resume posting as usual gist in a few days. Just got to get my stories. I literally shut my ears the entire January to aproko gist…lol…

I really do pray that this new month of February will be your best month yet. May everything you waited on God for in the month of January come to manifestation. May you find favor before God & man.  Nothing is ever difficult for you again. No one will ever ask where your God is. Before a need arises, God will make provision. You shall be happy and fulfilled this year 2016. Nothing passes you. And lastly, God will level all everlasting mountains & perpetual hills of problems; in Jesus Precious Name! Amen!!

I rejoice with you. I’m thankful for you. I look forward to great, great, great news from everyone this month & all through 2016!

Cheers & God Bless.

Love is a beautiful thing….