Getting closure after you've been dumped!

10:34 AM 1 Comments A+ a-

Heyyy Lovies, this is one of the articles I wrote for Bella Naija, I'm reposting here for those of you who didn't catch it there.. enjoy.!
Closure in a relationship is having an honest, meaningful, non-spiteful, non-condemning discussion with your significant other about why the relationship has ended\needs to end. Closure helps you learn from your mistakes. It teaches you why your relationship did not work out. In many cases it is needed to facilitate the healing process. It just sets one’s mind at ease. And no, that whole “it’s not you, it’s me” ish is not what we are talking about here.
I don’t know if this is a Nigeria thing, or a Black thing – probably not, but I will stick to the audience I am familiar with. Donkey years ago I unfortunately had this experience of being in a relationship that ended without any warning. It was there one day and the next….poof like vapor it evaporated. No warning, no words, no actions, nothing, just gone. One day I had a boo and the next I was boo-less. I swear ehn, that was just wickedness in high places.
See, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the other party walking away from you. As I always say, “The person will be very alright abeg”, it is the “How” the walking away is done that I have an issue with. I personally feel if you walk away from someone you are dating, especially a relationship that has spanned a few years, without so much as a good bye, you are a coward. Plain and simple.
There is everything wrong in not giving your partner some closure. The absence of this near drives the victim crazy, and that is very unfair. Now, I can understand if you walk in on your partner in a telling position with another person; no explanation really needed there.
However, you cannot go to dinner with your person tonight sans any drama, and then you delete their number tomorrow. I have really tried to rationalize this behavior and I can’t seem to understand why you would like or love one person this minute, and without any apparent issues you drop off their life without as much as a single reason.
I remember when this happened to me a long time ago, I was super relieved he was gone because I didn’t enjoy the relationship one bit, but I was miffed at the disappearing act. This nearly drove me crazy. Fast forward to many years later, this guy sent me a message asking me to forgive him for that single act. Mehnnn…I did not respond to his message o, & I have no intention of doing so. In fact, I deleted it immediately. Guilty conscience is such a terrible thing, robbing people of their peace since days of Moses. Let him continue to ponder on what my decision is. I know what my decision was many years ago. You ain’t robbing me of my sleep.
I’ve heard from a couple of friends in the recent past who have had the same poof experiences with guys and to say these ladies were tormented by the unknown reason is putting it lightly.
I know some people will say the person doing the walking away may have chosen that option in other to avoid a messy situation because I know some ladies can go real cray..cray in a beat. It is generally a painful process for at least one half of the two. Nonetheless, a process that I believe one should go through. Believe me when I say you stand to benefit more and grow better if you know. This does not however mean you would hurt less at the reasons if you knew. You could possibly be angrier if you knew why, than if you did not. No one grows wiser without some information.
Unfortunately, in most poof-be gone cases, no matter how much you beg the other party to tell you why, they still wouldn’t. At this point, it’s time to obtain that closure on your own, by coming to terms with what was lost. But really I would consider this loss an absolute blessing. Let your inner strength be the propeller to move you forward.
Closure can take minutes, or even years to find; but one of my favorite things to say is this: “A journey you do not embark on you cannot complete”. You must embark on that process so you don’t take all that garbage into the next relationship. The most important thing is letting yourself heal without that person or a rebound person. Know that you are going to be okay by yourself and everything about your love life will fall into place sooner than you know.
Until then, may God shield us all from all the he/she “demons” walking about o. Amen!
I really want to hear your closure stories, please share. I sha hope they don’t include burning someone’s clothes, slashing tires, egging someone’s car or wrapping the car in shrink wrap o.


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July 20, 2016 at 7:28 AM delete

Good content keep it up