All I did was drink a glass of wine................

3:14 PM 12 Comments A+ a-


Alcohol is NOT meant for everyone………..especially me.

So I’m pretty sure all my close friends have heard this story from me at some point in time but I just have to share this with you guys.

I cannot handle alcohol. Period. I don’t know why people just like offering me alcohol. It’s not fair at all. I mean I try as much as possible to behave as if I’m a pro but all it takes is a few sips of anything and I’m done. So this was how I found out Alcohol and I do not have anything in common.

Back in the day, like ten or eleven years back or so this dude was asking me out right, and you know how we girls do in our college days, your closest girls are always in on the toasters. You guys get to dissect and what not. So that’s how dude was like lets go out to dinner and a movie and my bestie then was like ahh abeg I’m going too. Next thing bestie’s younger sister too was like helz yeah I’m going too abeg. That made it an evening of three ladies and the poor guy.

We sha went to this restaurant and the guy ordered a bottle of wine for the table, which was nice of him. I turned to look at my girls with this look like hummm wine ke? Me I don’t want o, mi o mu iru eh ri, eh ma lo koba mi and I know y’alls behind don’t drink either therefore I don’t understand why you both are  busy nodding in approval at the wine suggestion. Then I kicked one of them under the table like this girl are you well at all??? And she kicked me back and we were there kicking each other and they were giving faces like Sav, please behave and don’t disgrace us here for God’s sake! Okay, so I behaved.

The wine came and the server filled each wine glass about ¾ of the way. Dinner came, we started eating, and then I summoned courage to take a sip, and then another sip, more dinner, and more sipping.  Then it started. My whole body warmed up and I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Then everything was just loud, I felt sweaty, my friends just looked funny but I felt like goooooood. I really can’t explain how I was feeling really but I knew I was in trouble. I think my friends sensed so as well cos I can remember them holding me on each side as we walked to the movie theater right after.

Going to the movie in that condition was THE WORST idea. I won’t forget the movie ever; it was Red Eye and starred Rachel McAdams. You know how this yeye oyinbo people will see Freddie Kruger coming after them and instead of them to run down a well-lit street where people are more likely to see and help them; instead, they will run into the jungle!! How can Fred Kruger be chasing you and you decide the jungle is the rational place to hide? Please now, how? That’s how this movie was o. The bad guy will be coming and this Rachel will be doing like they do in horror movies, playing right into the hands of her attacker, and instead of bashing his head till it’s very evident the bad man is on a first class express plane to hell, she  will just hit him once, drop the weapon and be there looking like mumu when he gets up again!!

That’s how I started shouting at the top of my voice at the movie theater o, ode ni ehhh ni ahn..ahn..(Are you a mumu),  Run, run, ahn..ahn…. , where are you going to????

You guys, please Imagine someone doing this in a theater full of people for goodness sake! The funny thing is I remember all this, and I totally felt like I was the normal person there while those staring at me and shushing me were aliens.

Anyhoos we made it home safely and the gist with the girls the next day was epic!

I still have this reaction when I drink alcohol, so I respect myself enough to stay within the range of light wines, and fruity daiquiris or so. After a while, I’ll just be smiling sheepishly and looking for where to sleep, and trust me I shall sleep anywhere I can lay my head. You would think one embarrassment is enough right? That’s until I went to Spice Bar in Victoria Island one night, had a few sips of Moet, started feeling "really good"; then we went to Quilox. I was sitting with my friends on a couch upstairs, next thing I dozed off! You wouldn’t believe Yemi Alade was performing that night, yet I couldn’t just get it together but I snapped out of it in time to say hello to Lynxxx when he stopped by sha…lol… I mean, who wouldn’t. Loll okay… this is embarrassing & I’m obviously an agbaya. Lmaooo. When we were walking out of Spice Bar, my booskie “Mandies” was like haaa…Sav, see what Moet has done to you, you came in here cat walking but you are leaving walking bow legged…loll.

 

Have the best week ever!