This Waist Matter Is A Serious Matter

7:08 PM 11 Comments A+ a-

Hey...Hey....Hey Lovies,

So unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 2-3 years, you must have heard of waist training by now. Just in case sha cos I have like alien blog visitors every now and then; waist training is when a woman wears a corset\girdle for at least 4 hours a day. Some people wear it when they work out while some wear it under clothes as part of their routine. The whole idea behind it is to shrink your waist size by a few inches. Now you could probably just hit the gym and get your svelte mid-section but then ain’t nobody got time for all that. Besides, some ladies especially those who have had babies can testify that there can be that stubborn ponmo part of your belly that just refuses to go away. Shiooooor.

Anyhoos, so I decided to join the band wagon of waist trainers. I paid considerable good amount for a brand that Kim K & dem use o, and was super excited to start using it. Soon as it came in the mail I hugged it, kissed it, and gave it a name –jigbishapala (because it would do shapala to the jigbi jigbi around my waist; did my running man, and then set it down on my dresser. For the next 3 days I walked by and starred right at it in slow motion, did the moon walk, roundabout & finally those sherubawon hand gestures; sort of like I was waiting for it to ripen or something – please don’t ask me what the heck I mean by a waist trainer ripening up. It is clearly a mental thing at this point.

On the 4th day, jigbishapala was ready to go to work. I walked to my bathroom mirror and after sucking myself in I was able to strap it on super easy.  I quickly took selfies and sent it to Mr. Q, explaining my latest attempt to shrink – and of course since he lets me do and say all the crazy I have in me, he just said “ku ishe”. Loll….

I wore the waist trainer for about 5 hours the first day, and then 7 hours the next day. I looked kinda funny in it though. I immediately decided this was not a gadget I was comfortable wearing in public, so when you see me outside I will not have it on. It just looks so weird underneath my outfit, plus the fact that I don’t need any hindrance to my eating game when I’m in public.

Then one day I was at home on a Saturday and wore jigbishapala as I cleaned the house. Soon after cleaning I sat on my bed and fell asleep with jigbishapala still on, and then I had the dream.

Yes, I had a dream in broad daylight. In the dream I was jejely in the midst of people and I suddenly couldn’t breathe, like I was struggling for air; and there was an air meter nearby showing me how much air I had left. Haven seen I was almost down to my last breath I started gesturing to people that I was wearing a waist trainer and that’s why I couldn’t breathe, & needed help. No one understood my gesture and they were looking at me funny, so I quickly started undoing the hooks myself, racing against my air meter. It was like a bomb was about to go off. 

I succeeded in taking the hooks off as the last air meter reached its last air. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief……Jesu eh ma seun oo…..you didn’t let the enemies of my fabulous progression win o, thank you Jesus. And then I saw there was another set of hooks to undo. 

I shouted in exasperation AH AHNNNNNN………..
And I woke up.

Let’s just say I haven’t gone near the waist trainer since then sha. Mi o mo eni ;n ran mi n’se ( I don't know who sent me work...)

Xoxox
Love is beautiful thing.


11 comments

Write comments
Anonymous
AUTHOR
June 8, 2015 at 4:36 PM delete

Loooooooooollllll i can't stop laughing. Sav pls its too early in the week. Who sent you to sleep with the WT on? Bush geh

Reply
avatar
Anonymous
AUTHOR
June 8, 2015 at 4:39 PM delete

Ashiri ti tu. So you mean to tell me that all this time i've been jealoxing your "fabulocity" it was actually artificial?
God haf catch you today.
Hehehehe

Reply
avatar
Bisi
AUTHOR
June 8, 2015 at 9:45 PM delete

Jigbishapala?? Babes, how do you come up with these names? lolll oh my gosh.

Reply
avatar
Anonymous
AUTHOR
June 8, 2015 at 10:05 PM delete

Please o Sav, leave us waist trainers alone. I wear mine (the one Kim from RHOA endorses) everyday. I've not seen any result though. Mine leaves marks all over my midriff though. Does yours do the same?
Waist Training for life.... hahhaha

Reply
avatar
Anonymous
AUTHOR
June 9, 2015 at 12:55 PM delete

I no fit laugh o. Sav Sav Sav...make you no kill me with laughter o. Good one....keep it up dear and how is the book coming? Hurry up and finish, can't wait to read it. Cheers!!!

Reply
avatar
Anonymous
AUTHOR
June 9, 2015 at 5:45 PM delete

Lolll.... Jigbijigbi.... And then you had a dream! Ta lo ran eh. If we talk now you'll say we talked, Why is Mr Q in this post now? This love is something o

Reply
avatar
platinum7
AUTHOR
June 17, 2015 at 10:27 AM delete

Hahahaha....I was waist training too and i actually saw result,with serious lifestyle change o, now i am back to my dangerous lifestyle..lol

Reply
avatar
June 21, 2015 at 10:00 PM delete

Nice!! A lot of people actually say they see results too. I may try again though cos all this food i keep eating......

Reply
avatar
June 21, 2015 at 10:01 PM delete

Loll.... who said anything about love o? See how you're jumping into conclusion. Mr.Q is my friend -Opari.

Reply
avatar
June 29, 2015 at 3:59 AM delete

@TWINKLE: Chei,daris God Ooo...Afi #Jigbishapala...OMG,cousin mi,dere is never a time your articles don't make roll in laughter...Don't worry if KimKW didn't see any trolls or gnomes in her dreams,girl,you'll be fine*winks winks*Get back on the #WaistTrainer bandwagon*lol*hehehe*

Reply
avatar
D. Edvard
AUTHOR
January 31, 2017 at 7:32 AM delete

Lol...it seems you like food a lot.

Reply
avatar