Out of Naija but not out of Naija.

11:11 AM 10 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies,

Happy New Year again!!!  So I’m back to the U.S but mehnnn I totally miss naija. I started feeling the onset of semi depression about a day before I left naija. People don’t get why I love Naija die, and this is beyond me really. How can anyone not love Naija? How can you not love the sighs all over the room when NEPA (PHCN ko, Rumigbo Ni. Hissssss. NEPA for life o jare) takes light, the sheer panic on your face when mosquitoes do a slow dance in front of you- as in the boldness of “you ehn, dey drink that Fanta go o, your blood will be succulent tonight”; the bumpy roads that are sure to send any 9 month pregnant woman into labor, the hawkers on the street which by the way I am addicted to. I get so excited when I’m riding through areas where street hawkers are. Just the fact that I can buy just about anything on the road gets me excited. From CDs to DVDs, to Gala, to Lacasera, to fruits, even tomatoes sef is super exciting to me. I feel like a kid in a candy shop. May I also beg Governor Fashola to please not get rid of them entirely abeg. Yes, I know I’m special. Lollll.

Then the mad traffic! My goodness! You cannot plan ANYTHING in that Lagos. Nothing at all, ahn ahn. What’s so weird is that I totally love people shouting and screaming at each other in traffic – se oju eh fo ni? Gba mi oo, boya baba eh wa iru eh ni oko yin…..lmaoooo. I swear this totally cracks me up when I hear these things. If you know me, you’ll know I find pleasure in the simplest and oddest things. Give me a stool in a very busy area of Lagos and I promise you I’ll have an amazing time just sitting there and taking it all in. I don’t need the whole Oriental Hotel Lunch\Dinner treatment to enjoy myself.

But wait oo, if you are a toaster and you try this whole middle of Lagos street thing with me I’ll swear for your ancestors o…ahn….ahn… what rubbish ke. Is that how your mates treat ladies? Where do you think I’m from? Do you know who I am? You berra conform and behave like someone without egbecious alacrity issues. Thanks in advance.

Ehen o jare, back to the matter. So realizing I would miss all of this Naija-isms near threw me into major depression. As you know ehn, any emotion that cannot be understood is due to depression. I decided I didn't want a Psychiatrist to come and diagnose me with aisan ti o gbo ogun (illness without a cure), and I decided to un-depress myself by physically being out of Naija but somewhat remaining in Naija.

I had to head back to work the very next day after I landed in Yankee so I armed myself with some CDs I had bought in go-slow in Lagos, some Butter-mints, Tom-Tom, Eclairs, and Chipsy plantain chips; I got into my car and decided to drive to work. First and foremost the driving was doing me one kind because I had not driven –except for once in 3 weeks so it took a while for me to get a grip. Then I realized everywhere looked abnormal to me – everywhere was too clean, no noise, the white lines dividing the roads was legible, no fumes gushing out from the cars around me and gaddamit, no danfo or Okada!!!! Aghhhhhhhhhh this is not normal o.

No wahala now. I slot in my new Yinka Aiyefele CD and I was like ahn..ahn…. ah ma ni ri esu o. Where is the juju music I was expecting? The man was just singing orishirishi that sounded nothing like his past really good CDs. I removed it and replaced with Shina Peter’s Shinamania. Ahhhh this is the shiznit…. Action……afro Juju Shina Peters Igba ti wa lo de, afro Juju Shina Peters Igba ti wa lo de… tele tele ri eh ti jo orishirishi, suwegbe ijo rindi rindi emu kuro lara, Ijo Shina sagba dewe...

Yepaaa....ibadi mi oo, awon daaaaa, yes ke......

Lollllll. I swear I can be so tush challenged sometimes so please forgive me.

I was enjoying my drive to work, and one oyinbo man just cut me off!! My goodness!! Dem no born you! Me that had been looking for someone to unleash my new choice words from Lagos before.. hah..
I was like Oyinbo, your fadaaaaaaaaaa, shay you didn’t see me ni. Odenson. Kuro lono joor. Lolll

Singing my Shina Peters: pelemo o, Ijo Shina yi… afro juju… pelemo ooo Ijo Shina yi……afro juju. Omoge look your front, baby look your back, jowo think twice o before you fall for that back. You can be Miss world o, you can be Miss Africa, You can be Miss Nigeria, without money nothing can be done…
………….Omoge you fine ye ye ye…..baby oooooo.

I was so happy with myself for bringing naija with me, determined not to act like I was back to yankee, not to get Naija home sick, still singing my Shina Peters & using style to komole as I walked out of the Elevator onto my floor at work when the receptionist just shouted “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Shawnnnnnnnnnnnnn”

Screechhhhhh………….Freeze……  Aba nkan je ni receptionist yi sha (this receptionist can ruin the moment sha)! I sure as hell am back in Yankee where they call me Shawn. Nonsense. He just had to kill my Naija mojo this morning. Pissed off bajestically.

My name is Seun!!!! Pronounced Shay-un. Repeat after me Shay-un….Shay-un…….one more time Shay-un.


Welcome to America Savannah!! 

Have a splendid weekend folks.

Xoxoxo... 

10 comments

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
January 9, 2015 at 11:41 AM delete

Lmao! Seun abeg it's too early for this.

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Anonymous
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January 9, 2015 at 2:06 PM delete

u are makn me miss naija oooo. lovely story. kip it up

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Anonymous
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January 9, 2015 at 2:16 PM delete

OMG I love your posts. I found you on BellaNaija and now i think i"m going to be here more often. This post totally got me in stitches. Fun read, Lady.

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Tinu Dumibi
AUTHOR
January 9, 2015 at 2:17 PM delete

Loll... welcome back home.

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
January 10, 2015 at 1:19 AM delete

Shaun ahahaha... Welcome back! Lucky you, most of the CD's I bought were either blank or what's in them is different from what the labels say... Won gba mi correct!

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Momo
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January 10, 2015 at 5:43 AM delete

Lol! I can definitely relate to that depressing feeling when you step back into this land! No place like home!

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Missy E
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January 10, 2015 at 6:37 PM delete

Hehehehhe. I just love this girl! You write like you're talking to us directly!! I miss Nigeria too. I wish I could go home. Sob...sob

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lanre ola
AUTHOR
January 11, 2015 at 11:33 AM delete

Haha @ shaun. ...m naija sure misses you too

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