Trying to get my beach on in Lasgidi

2:21 AM 3 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies,

Wassup, whats shaking, whats popping? How's the Christmas holiday going? I am in Nigeria....whoop whoop. Shuttling between Lasgidi and my home town - Ondo Town. It's been so much fun hanging out with family, seeing friends etc. Before i continue this story, please join me as i pray. This prayer is absolutely necessary because i have picked up my iPad at least 5 times during this trip to write down what I want to talk to you people about, but there are some very evil things like sleep, errands, television, enjoyment, asun, gist, etc that keep interrupting me and this thing is no longer funny. I need to sprinkle some anointing oil on myself, my iPad, my surroundings and decree HOLY GHOSTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I BIND & PROSECUTE ALL INTEREFRING AGENTS AGAINST THE PROGRESS OF MY GIST IN JESUS NAME!! OGUN ORUN ooo..... DESTRYOY THEM! PARALYSE THEM (minus my iPad oooo abeg o.. Biko) In Jesus Name Amen. Now let me see who will stop the flow of this writing.

Wait oo, be right back, they have brought my banger and bisco......hehehehe.....time to throw banger into people's shirt/blouse.

Lollll okay i'm back again with all vigour.
So in Lagos my sister wanted us to go to the beach. We had not been for a very very long time in Lagos. The last time we did it was to the original Bar beach so apparently our Lagos Beach knowledge was a little outdated. Actually more like ancient sef. Since we were like Elizabethan era type people per the beach we decided to ask a few people who reside in Lagos, mostly Google sha cos you know this thing lives everywhere. Based on Google and peeps we decided to go to Elegushi Beach! Mchewwwwww, the most rubbish beach any human being can want to go to as in hiannnnn why on earth does this beach exists and why does anyone go there in the first place!!

First, we arrive towards the entrance of the beach area and find there's traffic going through a make shift gate. There's a charge of N1000 per adult; say what now? What is the N1000 for biko? Who are these people collecting these monies? There is no sign they belong to any reputable government agency. No sign boards, no uniforms, no nothing so please again i ask who put them there or authorized their presence? So we pay our gate fee and we proceed, and within seconds our car is bombarded with awon agberos trying to direct us to park where they want us to park. We park, alight from our vehicle and are immediately accousted by men on horses asking if we want to ride a horse. In my head i'm like biko can we find somewhere to sit first beforenwe climb this horse that looks like it wouldnt mind eating some correct eba with okro soup-that's how hungry the thing looked. We side stepped oga horse handler whose name is Emmanuel with vest number 16. He repeated hinself again and again as he followed us to our seating area: please don't forget i'm Emmanuel number 16. Again acousted by awon hustlers trying to hustle us to come rent their shack to sit in.

My goodness, i've never been to a dirtier beach!! It STANK!!!! It was a combination of dirty horses, dirty smelly people, horse feaces, general dirt etc. i started practicing the breathing technique my swimming coach tried to teach me last summer but i was like ahhh please please, you want to kill me?? How can i be breathing any other way but the normal way just cos i'm going under water? Please waka abeg. Lovies, no one begged me before i started holding my breath in broad day light in the open. It was almost like if i inhaled all that bad air i was going to start puking. Ewww....gross!!
Besides the stench, the calibre of people we saw was one kind for real, for real. Not the type i would be comfortable leaving my bag around, sit with, or be in a room with and suddenly NEPA takes light, it will be one of those moments where you say haa mogbe... Yepa....; yup it was that bad.

I was thoroughly uncomfortable and wanted to leave asap. Before you say but you could have moved to another part of the beach now, please the whole beach area that looked like it could be occupied was barely up to 2 city blocks- yes, it was that small and scanning the area it looked like the same people, same flies, same horse shit everywhere.
As I was wondering how to get the rest of the group to want to leave, rain started! How on earth can it rain when person dey beach?? What kinda thing is that now? Na wa oo. So the rain just dampened the mood even further.....sheesh. Awon mood killer sha. Then to make matters worse, the lady whose shack we had settled in (btw, the white plastic chairs we were given to sit on had dried up mold dew on it!!!!!) now came to bounce us oo that we should move to an even less desireable place in another section of her shack. Choiiii....that was the end of that trip. My sister's friend first of all told us not to hold her back as she does craze for this people when she only gives them half of the agreed upon price. I took 2 steps back and was like CORRECTTTTTT, proper drama at last. Let me just make sure i'm not close if things start flying.
Mi ole wa daran tori mo lo bar beash......
The drive to and fro from the beach was wayyyyyyyyyy better than our experience at the beach so the day was not a totally mishap. I totally enjoyed everyone's company, and really that's all that matters.
Bottom line, stay AWAY from Elegushi Beach. I've heard there are some correct beaches in lagos that are accessible by boat. Boat kwa??? Why now? Why can't it be accessible normally by normal people? SMH....
Still more. Naija jist coming up sooooooon.

Love is a beautiful thing.


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fumstar owas
January 2, 2015 at 12:49 PM delete

OMG! Haaa boat kwa? Abeg no try am o, Fumstar needs u here in one piece! Morerin Takiti ehn, 1000naira gate fee, omo onile fee lol, "Emmanuel vest number 15" my new phrase hehehehe plus o taught I was the only one that fell sorry for the horses, they look so unkempt... I think a Facebook beach review will be a better approach for next time!

January 9, 2015 at 11:42 AM delete

Funmstar... haa i came back in one piece o. lol @ Number 15. The guy was not going to let me hear word. thanks for commenting babes.

Tinu Dumibi
January 9, 2015 at 2:19 PM delete

Lol... Elegushi is NOT the beach to go to in Lagos. No one goes there anymore. Certain types of people have taken over as they usually do a good thing. Go to places like Eleko, Alpha, La Campagne Tropicana, Badagry beach. Those places are probably far but much better.