Their life, not yours.

10:07 AM 6 Comments A+ a-



Heyyyyy


Yesterday, my friend calls me to run something by me. She wanted to know what I would do in her shoes and what i think she should do (these can be 2 different things). She had stumbled on some information that her cousin had conveniently kept from her. I told her to Let It Go. It doesn't need to be addressed. You have to pick your battles, and honestly if the issue is not a threat to my life or that of my immediate family, or my money, I can easily ignore. I choose for shit not to bother me (You have no control on how people behave towards you but you do have control over how you react to ish). So I told her Let it go! 


My friend said okay hon, thanks, i'll ignore and take the high road.
10 minutes later on whatsapp, friend is boiling and blowing steam. Soon as we had finished our earlier conversation, she couldn't hold herself and let it go as i had advised, so she called her cousin and their whole conversation went left.

I let my friend let off all her steam and just listened. The wee hours of this morning she says babes are you awake? I can see you're online, i need to talk. Then we start talking.... She was still miffed at her cousin and couldn't sleep. She said she had been tossing and turning all night thinking she can't believe her cousin lied to her etc. So after spending an hour VERY early this morning dissecting the issue again and telling her she had to calm down so her BP doesn't go up; she ended the conversation saying I wish i had listened to you and not called my cousin, i was not even half as angry as i was before confirming. Seun i can't believe you're not mad at me for not listening to your advice. If it were someone else they would be gloating over me by now. 
Hummmmm

Truth is I have NEVER and will NEVER be upset, feel slighted or disrespected if someone doesn't follow my advice. I don't get it and probably never will understand why some people make it a big deal when they give someone an advice but the person chooses to do otherwise.
IT IS AN ADVICE! That's all.... No more. Everyone is entitled to choose whatever directive they feel works for them. This is the reason each person has their individual emotions/thought process/mind/heart/thinking faculty; there are no community thought processes. Let everyone make their own decision. It is very okay if someone decides to choose A, even though you pointed out B to them. Remember they will have to live with their decisions, not you.

Even God who created us encounters this issue every single second when you hard headed knuckle heads called human beings refuse to follow his instructions and advice in the bible, and go do your own thing, your own way. Then when things go left you wont let Him rest; be shouting up and down, night and day O God of Elijah help me ooo, awon iya osoronga have come oo. God is not even tripping over all that so please why are you? Be a decent person; give advice, solicited and unsolicited, but by no means should you take offence should the person do otherwise.

2016 is here, abeg start making better choices and stop trying to impose yourself/ideas/ideals/ upon other people; and if you do and they reject it just remember you won't die because of that, and the world won't end either.


This is what loving people selflessly is all about. It's not about you, but it's about them. Love and support one another regardless.
  
Happy Monday!!'






Photo Credit:Dreamstime

All I did was drink a glass of wine................

3:14 PM 12 Comments A+ a-


Alcohol is NOT meant for everyone………..especially me.

So I’m pretty sure all my close friends have heard this story from me at some point in time but I just have to share this with you guys.

I cannot handle alcohol. Period. I don’t know why people just like offering me alcohol. It’s not fair at all. I mean I try as much as possible to behave as if I’m a pro but all it takes is a few sips of anything and I’m done. So this was how I found out Alcohol and I do not have anything in common.

Back in the day, like ten or eleven years back or so this dude was asking me out right, and you know how we girls do in our college days, your closest girls are always in on the toasters. You guys get to dissect and what not. So that’s how dude was like lets go out to dinner and a movie and my bestie then was like ahh abeg I’m going too. Next thing bestie’s younger sister too was like helz yeah I’m going too abeg. That made it an evening of three ladies and the poor guy.

We sha went to this restaurant and the guy ordered a bottle of wine for the table, which was nice of him. I turned to look at my girls with this look like hummm wine ke? Me I don’t want o, mi o mu iru eh ri, eh ma lo koba mi and I know y’alls behind don’t drink either therefore I don’t understand why you both are  busy nodding in approval at the wine suggestion. Then I kicked one of them under the table like this girl are you well at all??? And she kicked me back and we were there kicking each other and they were giving faces like Sav, please behave and don’t disgrace us here for God’s sake! Okay, so I behaved.

The wine came and the server filled each wine glass about ¾ of the way. Dinner came, we started eating, and then I summoned courage to take a sip, and then another sip, more dinner, and more sipping.  Then it started. My whole body warmed up and I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Then everything was just loud, I felt sweaty, my friends just looked funny but I felt like goooooood. I really can’t explain how I was feeling really but I knew I was in trouble. I think my friends sensed so as well cos I can remember them holding me on each side as we walked to the movie theater right after.

Going to the movie in that condition was THE WORST idea. I won’t forget the movie ever; it was Red Eye and starred Rachel McAdams. You know how this yeye oyinbo people will see Freddie Kruger coming after them and instead of them to run down a well-lit street where people are more likely to see and help them; instead, they will run into the jungle!! How can Fred Kruger be chasing you and you decide the jungle is the rational place to hide? Please now, how? That’s how this movie was o. The bad guy will be coming and this Rachel will be doing like they do in horror movies, playing right into the hands of her attacker, and instead of bashing his head till it’s very evident the bad man is on a first class express plane to hell, she  will just hit him once, drop the weapon and be there looking like mumu when he gets up again!!

That’s how I started shouting at the top of my voice at the movie theater o, ode ni ehhh ni ahn..ahn..(Are you a mumu),  Run, run, ahn..ahn…. , where are you going to????

You guys, please Imagine someone doing this in a theater full of people for goodness sake! The funny thing is I remember all this, and I totally felt like I was the normal person there while those staring at me and shushing me were aliens.

Anyhoos we made it home safely and the gist with the girls the next day was epic!

I still have this reaction when I drink alcohol, so I respect myself enough to stay within the range of light wines, and fruity daiquiris or so. After a while, I’ll just be smiling sheepishly and looking for where to sleep, and trust me I shall sleep anywhere I can lay my head. You would think one embarrassment is enough right? That’s until I went to Spice Bar in Victoria Island one night, had a few sips of Moet, started feeling "really good"; then we went to Quilox. I was sitting with my friends on a couch upstairs, next thing I dozed off! You wouldn’t believe Yemi Alade was performing that night, yet I couldn’t just get it together but I snapped out of it in time to say hello to Lynxxx when he stopped by sha…lol… I mean, who wouldn’t. Loll okay… this is embarrassing & I’m obviously an agbaya. Lmaooo. When we were walking out of Spice Bar, my booskie “Mandies” was like haaa…Sav, see what Moet has done to you, you came in here cat walking but you are leaving walking bow legged…loll.

 

Have the best week ever!

 

Craziest Hoeism Story Ever......& its on the Internet

9:59 AM 5 Comments A+ a-

Hummm, i swear ehnn, the things people share in this world.....
I came across this story that's trending on Yankee Twitter, and it's about this girl who is a self proclaimed hoe (Biko, how person go give herself that kain title ehn? Pls somebody rationalize this thing for me). Anyhoos, this girl shares the most epic hoe gist EVER!! I spent a really good portion of my time reading this thing and i swear my vocabulary will not be the same, neither will my already cray...cray sexual inuendos.
It's a long read but i swear it is very worth it! Just get some tea and balance some where. I literally LOL reading this and i'm for anything that makes people laugh.....really.
So here's the link below. I'll see if i can capture all the tweets so you dont have to open another link but in the meantime.....
Ohhh also, please take off your self righteous garment and leave it at the entrance before you start reading.. Yeah, i just said that! RELAX!!

http://m.imgur.com/a/WDwyW


Amala Makes People Black.....Eba Makes People Yellow

10:01 PM 11 Comments A+ a-

Hiiiiiiiii My Loves,

What shall we be talking about today?

So I was gisting with my girl Dolapo the other day and the conversation veered towards black edible items, in this case black cake fondant. My birthday is coming up and I told Dolapo I didn’t want black fondant because I don’t eat black things. I don’t eat or drink anything dark. I have serious aversion issues to anything dark. Yes, I don’t eat chocolate. I’ve never liked chocolates. When I was a child and other children would lust after chocolate, I would be the only child going in the opposite direction. Not just chocolate, I don’t drink coke… EVER. I mean, I’ve tasted coke before but I don’t know if I’ve ever swallowed more than a mouthful in my entire life. Yes, it’s that bad. I was a full blown adult before I would eat amala. Yup. I sucked that much. As a matter fact, there is a running joke… more like a funny narration of me in my family. So when I was little (think Primary school days), when anyone would offer me amala to eat, I would start crying that I want eba instead. If they ask why I don’t want amala I would say Noooooo I dun want, amala makes people black….. eba makes people yellow. I wan ebaaaaa. Lollllll.

There is NOTHING anyone could do to make me touch chocolate, coke, amala, or anything edible that’s dark in color. Please ask me where this cray….cray aversion came from o biko.

(Abeg I was just about 4/5 yrs old I think when all of these started so please don’t criticize my thinking).

So in primary school (Grace Children School, Gbagada) there was this girl in my class whom I was good friends with. Her name is Tokunbo (Let me not mention her last name). Tokunbo was dark in complexion, if I remember correctly her gum was also black. Everything was just black. See I am fair in complexion, everyone in my house is fair-ish too…..for some reason maybe I expected everyone in the world to be fair. This is until I got to Grace and I met Tokunbo. She was a very lovely girl, but mehnnn I would just stare at her all day, wondering ehnnn how can someone be this dark in complexion for goodness sake ehn. And she didn’t help matters at all either. When we were served milk in school – we had options of chocolate, plain or strawberry milk during snack time, this Tokunbo will now choose chocolate milk. Every day she would come to school with chocolates. When they ask us what we want to drink per sodas, Tokunbo will now say Coke. When they ask us in class what our best food is, everyone will be saying Jollof rice or fried rice, or dodo, or spaghetti  oooo. Please guess what Tokunbo will say. AMALA!! Ahnn ahnn.

That’s how me I started thinking it was Amala, Coke, Chocolate that made Tokunbo black in complexion oo.
Of course when I got older I knew none of those things had an influence on her complexion but I think my head is now too warped to function otherwise. Bottom line is I was traumatized.
I have since started eating Amala…. Once every other month or so, but I won’t drink coke or eat chocolate at all. I will eat Cadbury’s Eclairs though and that is the only candy that has chocolate I would eat, but will not go near a Kit Kat\Hershey Bar etc… Hellz Nah! I would rather drink ogi than drink coke, and I HATE ogi!!

I also won’t eat chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream! Why?? What for? Why would anyone make a delicious dessert like that so black? What if there was a cockroach in it how would you see it? You people play too much abeg.

Loll….. so there it is. That’s my weird story. Dolapo made me share this by the way!


Ohhh so errrrm yeah, I think I need a shrink right? How do I over come this weirdness? Anyone got any ideas? loll I'm for real o cos y'all don't take me serious at all!




Xoxox

Savannah

Music We Love! Jaywon - Back To Sender!!

11:27 PM 3 Comments A+ a-

I don't know who won't love this High Life o, on the realz it's a dope song! I'm an old school girl and I love High Life, Blues etc type of music. All that gra--gra...agbero loading @ oshodi kind of music that's circulating these days ain't doing it for me.
I can't but love when i see the Young'ins doing the unusual, kinda shows people they actually love music and sample different genre of music. This is what music is all about....the classics, redefining the classics and make it enjoyable......

This song is about sending back all the ills you don't want in the world. You know how someone will shepe for you but cos you are a christian and all you can't shepe back right? ehnn ooo so you now say back to sender to them. Ehnnnnn ooo, so this is it.lolllll

Oluwa ma se wa ni eni ti o ni...
Eda mi ma se mi ni eni ti o ni

Oriburuku back to sender
Ai ro mo bi back to sender
Ai lowo lo wo, back to sender

Enjoy!

Freebies!!! Shoe Giveaway.......Get In Here....Now

8:46 AM 15 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies,


I've got shoes I want to give away, brand new ones o, as in ochara, as in tear rubber, not bend down pick, not meji thirty-come pick your own-oga no go vex, kinda shoes o......lollll.
Fine, they ain't high end either sha but they aii though.

Respond in the comments section and i'll pick a winner- I have to figure out who gets it. 1st to comment? hummmm we'll see sha or I'll ask some other question. And yes, the winner can be in the U.S or Naija.

 White Badgley Mischka - Size 10

                                                        

              Purple & Pink Elle - Size 8

                                                          



Have a fantastic weekend!!!!                             

Product Feature! Get In Here For Freebies!

7:22 PM 8 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies, 

Man mi, I love, love when people do their thing, I mean putting their skills to work. Nothing beats seeing something you do come to life.....I swear. Mine is obviously putting my pen to paper, and I'm always excited to plug for people, like I am about to.

I went to party with my favorite person in the world (Jesus) at church on Sunday like I always do, and I decided to adorn my head with this fabulous fascinator hat, and it was a hit. See pictures of me wearing it below, and an overview of the company that was gracious enough to send a couple to me, and honestly the prices are VERY VERY reasonable!!

Now, the company Payche is also giving away freebies to Port Harcourt based fans! Please see below for more information! 
Abeg you people should not come and be doing ghost viewing oo.....patronize this lady biko!!

Overview:
Payche is a Nigerian based creative design company which specializes in designing and production of unique, custom handcrafted fashion accessories with aAfrican touch. Our items include: Beads, Fascinators & Hatinators, Bridal hand-fan, Ankara Fashion Accessories (earrings, bangles, brooch, corporate gift items, handbags, purses, foot wears, and interior decorations).

Contact Details:
Mobile No: 08036952612, 08174390639
Bb Pin: 2ADFB5E6
Twitter: @Paychedesigns

Discount:
Get a 20% discount when you order any of our products worth N 15,000 kindly use code LDSM Payche. Free delivery available to Port Harcourt ONLY.
Wholesale Purchase is available we also ship worldwide and our items are affordable. We offer trainings on all our Products in Port Harcourt

Freebies Gift Items Include:
2 Fascinators for the Ladies and 2 Samsung Tablet pouch for the Gents. Gift items are available to Only Fans In Port Harcourt.









Welcome to a brand new month! Your best month yet!

2:37 AM 3 Comments A+ a-

Eh mu mi wa laiye
Eh seun o
Eh mu mi wa laiye
Eh seun o
Opo lo fe mo'jo oni o to je wipe
Aisan taiye sope ko to'n kan lo mu won lo
Eh mu mi wa laiye
Eh seun o

It's the beginning of a new month! Not just any month but the 9th month. You may wonder what's the significance? I ask you what happens to a woman in the ninth month of her pregnancy (expectation)?

Thank you most high God for the grace to witness this day. It is by no ordinary feat, but simply by your mercy! We are beyond thankful. Many  started this year but your grace kept those of us still standing. We give you all the praise.
In this 9th month, may the floodgates of heaven open up and release all of your blessings. This month the Lord will set a golden table before you in the presence of your enemies, at that table will be God on your right and your love ones on your left. 

This 9th month, that stone (you) who the builders rejected will become the chief corner stone! 
Surely affliction shall not rise again, for the Lord has overturned, overturned, & overturned!

In this month of delivery, though you lay among pots for a while, the Lord will cause you to be like a dove with wings covered in silver and your feathers in yellow gold.
Your best is here, your best is now, your best is now till eternity; in Jesus Precious Name- Amen!

Are you privileged to read this? C'mmon..... Shout a believing Amen!
 

Sisi, my son likes you o

9:47 PM 16 Comments A+ a-

Hey…hey…..heyyyyy,

What’s shaking people?. No’in much here o, just chilling. Thankful and grateful for all I have.

So what gist do I have going on here? This is something that happened about 4 months ago.
I really don’t understand what’s going on these days honestly. Maybe I’m so old school and I don’t know what the trend is about asking a woman out. In short sha, this man boy’s mother and older sister toasted me abi it’s quarter to toasting ni, on behalf of this grown ass man child.

I’ve said this a million times that I’m always minding my business jeje when people bring ish to me. I was in an African store, buying my naija groceries when I noticed one yellow pawpaw boy eyeing me. I had to look over my shoulder a couple of times to be sure he wasn’t starring at someone behind me; sure enough he was starring right at me. Now I’m a very correct girl so I don’t knock an admirer’s glances, they can look all they want. My job is to smile politely and thank baba God that he made me easy on the eye….lol.

Anyhoos, as I maneuvered through the aisle in the store, this boy kept following me up and down smiling one kind smile. Ahn…ahn… at this point I was like abi diarrhea n worry eleyi ni?
So I get to the checkout counter and standing in a far corner was yellow pawpaw grinning from ear to ear. Standing right to my side though were two women (older like 60’s and mid 40’s) who were checking me out, whispering to each other and nodding and then repeating the process. At this point I was like okay I need to gerrourahere fast and go look in a mirror cos something ain’t right if 2 women are checking me out.

I finished paying for my items and proceeded to exit the store when the older of the women said ahhh please I want to talk to you, don’t go okay. So I smiled and said okay ma but continued to walk towards the door. She followed me outside o. By the time I turned around I saw the two women and yellow paw paw standing behind me. It was at that point that I realized they must all be together. He stood there smiling sheepishly; the following conversation ensued:

Younger woman: hello my dear, what’s your name?
Me: Sav
Older woman: you are beautiful o
Me: ahh thank you ma
Older woman: where are you from?
Me: I’m Yoruba (I could see they were Igbo)
Mama: Yoruba? Ehn ehn…. Issokay. Are you married?
Me: No
Mama: You get man?
Me: ahh….chuckling…… no answer
Mama: no need to answer sef because e no matter as long as you never marry. You are now ours. This is my son (points to son) Ebube, and he showed you to us in the store and said he likes you. And as my daughter and I were looking at you inside we liked what we saw.
Me: trying soooo hard not to laugh like a hyena at what I was hearing.
Younger woman: where do you work?
Me: so so….company
Younger woman: what do you do there?
Me: …..so…so…so
Younger woman: ohh okay…..so that means you went to school.
Me: nods in the affirmative
Mama: ahh that’s good, that’s good. We must marry you. In fact as I’m seeing you now I cannot let you go. My son must marry you. Will you marry him?
Me: still chucking like an idiot there
Mama: It’s true. He really likes you ehn…you are a fine girl. Oya what is your number so we can call you

Didinrin yellow pawpaw who has been quiet this whole time steps forward with his phone in his hand with that darn primary 5 grin on his face.
I call out my number to him and he immediately dials it saying “I want to test to make sure the number is real”.

They reiterate they will be calling me. Me, I save the number as: YELLOW PAWPAW, DO NOT PICK UP.

Within the next 24hrs Yellow calls me at least 10 times and leave a barrage of voicemails, none of which I listened to. Delete…Delete….Delete. More calls over the next few days, all ignored.

If your mum and sister have to come do the talking on your behalf, you best keep stepping to your diaper change cos ain’t nobody got time for lil boys. Let the real men step up please! Gaddem it!


Xoxo
Sav.




Things we love .......totally! - MUSIC - Koker: Do Something

11:20 PM 2 Comments A+ a-

Our very first Things we love.....totally feature!

Okay, prior to August 8th 2015 I had never heard of the artist Koker at all, period, and then one day late at night my bro-in law, my sister and I were listening and gisting about naija music; me i was feeling like I was "in town" and knew all these artists and songs, and then the bro in law Bally Jay threw Koker in the mix. I turned to my sister and was like ahn ahn, how does your husband know about this correct song and artist and we are here just looking like mumu???.
On the realz though, this song is super dope!! If you like Naija pop,  Juju music and Owambe parties you'll absolutely love "Do Something" because it's a very correct blend of all 3. So like if i was going to an owambe party and wanted to set the mood on the drive there i would totally play this song on repeat.
Please please please I beg you, when you are going to an owambe or any party at all you have to set the mood BEFORE you arrive there. The mood starts with the jams in the car yo! otherwise you will be a dull fellow when you get there. You gots to enter the hall with a certain swag like ahhhhhhhh....... that's right, clear road, I've arrived!! loll
Singing.... pa ra ra ra pa ra ra ra...owo n'won fin do something ooo.....
And omg, this guy has Tims on agbada!! Lolll.... talk about swags. He kinda looking like good chocolate too..... lol.. oya let me stop behaving like an agbaya.... lol.
Enjoy the Video below..

NEW FEATURE ON THE BLOG: Things We Love..........Totally....

11:18 PM 2 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovies,

As some of you know - especially my Facebook family, I love to share great things I come in contact with. I'm very random about that, I share free book downloads, new music toh make sense, etc.... whatever catches my fancy needs to be shared! So I've decided to start a new feature on the blog titled "Things we love..........totally". I'll be posting things I personally love, from underwear, to  products, to books, to music, to even recipes, it don't marra.
If you want me to sample your products or promote your business for you, please get in touch @ttlsavannah@gmail.com.
I'm very excited about a talented lady all the way in Port Harcourt, Nigeria who contacted me via Social Media about her Fascinator Business. She has sent a couple of them to me to "sample". So In the next few days my Fascinator & Hartinator (biko don't ask me which one is Hartinator ooo cos na so i see am) should be arriving. Dem go hia wen for church on Sunday when I arrive with one on my head.....lol...

Ohhh and I also have some shoe give aways coming... SOON. Watch this space!

I'm very excited though.

So look out for our TWLT features periodically on this blog!


Xoxo
Sav

Stop Chopping My Money.

11:39 AM 6 Comments A+ a-


Heyyyyyyy Heyyyyyy Heyyyyyy, Whats Popping people!

I have to say thank you to my peeps who keep urging me to post new content. I literally have fans who email or text me to post something cos they need my stories to get them rolling. I’m always so pleased to hear this. Emi na ko o- it’s all Baba God. Thank you Jesus. We are multiplying in number. Soon we will be the must read blog. Amen.

First and foremost I have to thank Steve Jobs for Face Time. It just makes gisting with friends on the other side of the world so much juicer and easier. It’s my preferred way of communicating now. If you have an Iphone I just call you on FT – end of story.  So anyhoos, over the long weekend, I called my friend Zee who lives in Lag. He’s just a fun person to gist with I swear. As soon as he picked up he didn’t even say hello Sav, he just went into gist mode straight up.

He was like Sav, what is wrong with you naija women these days ehn (In my head I was like egbami, I just wanted to say Hi nau), especially the girls in Lagos. They are like modern day robbers, everything is about money. If a guy doesn’t have money they don’t want to date you, If you appear to have and you don’t give they start acting up. Why is everything about money with you people? We don’t even know if a girl is real or not these days. We can’t tell if a girl loves us for real or not or she’s just after our money. He gives an example of a girl who used corny man die moves to get money from him by asking him to give her hard currency while he she transfers naira to his naija account. Dude fell for it and babe never paid up. Now, as per big boy that he is he can’t be asking for the money back just any how cos these days you gats to keep your rep up.  Next thing you know babe calls him and starts sweet talking him on the phone- as in major esa and dude was feeling it, already his head was swelling and I think the engine too was revving as well, that is until babe asked him for a few hundred pounds to add to her flight ticket. Zee said his jaw just dropped as in ahn..ahn.. won fi owo se eh ni!. Reality hit him that this babe was out for his money.

Then he mentioned how he was on vacation and took some girls out and the first thing the girls ordered was champagne. I burst out laughing at this juncture.

Now Zee’s friend who was also around interjected into this conversation asking sort of how often should a girl be asking for money from her man, and if you give a girl $500 why is she asking for more so soon?

All this time I was listening and then I said you know what, I blame you people too. You guys live in Lagos and are giving girls money in pounds and dollars- why won’t they rob you people blind!

My opinion on this whole men spending on women matter is this:

A guy should not be spending ridiculous sums on a woman he is not yet dating. You need to however do the general spending like going on dates and footing the bills, and occasionally picking up extras like filling up her gas thank, paying for her to have her hair done, a mani\pedi , and “I was passing by a mall and saw this and I just had to get it for you” gifts. Yes, this has been working since the stone age, and we girls need to somehow be able to tell that you are not stingy before we say Yes.

Mandatory gifts for birthday\Valentines\Christmas should not be missed except you are a goat, really. Now, when you are dating, don’t start a culture of giving what you know you have no plans on sustaining. You want to get a girl, and you start giving her 100K every month as allowance, then after giving her twice you now decide you’re stopping- for what now???

I told them directly that a girl you have just started asking out or just started dating, and is asking you for money- you had better run for your life. Respectable girls don’t do this.  I think a certain amount of time and level of comfortability should have passed and be established before you start asking a guy for money. Even then, please be wise in the asking. Don’t be asking for frivolous things. And I will say this too: Ladies, when a guy takes you out please don’t order or buy things that you know you would not\cannot afford to buy on your own. That’s just pure greed.  A guy takes you out and you order champagne! If you were having a night out with your girls you would not be ordering no champagne so please why do that to someone else? Are you that starved! Ahnn Ahn…. You girls can embarrass someone honestly. 

See, the guys are getting wiser to y’alls antics. Stop all this nonsense and respect yourself.  When a guy is asking you out or dating you, If he wants to put you on a 1million naira allowance, let him do it of his own accord. He’s not obligated to and It doesn’t make him a bad person. There are other ways to deduce a stingy man. Another way to look at it is this, money you cannot spend on yourself, or that your dad has not spent & will not spend on you – don’t have a sense of entitlement to it from a man you are not married to.


Xoxo,
Love is a beautiful thing.

How to get a naija woman to legit love you

10:45 AM 13 Comments A+ a-


I have been pondering over this topic for a little while now, and I think it all started after I read a blog reader’s comment about how women constantly are barraged with articles on how to keep their man.  

I’m legit tired of hearing step 1 to 10 on how to land a man, keep him, keep on keeping him, keep keeping to keep on keeping him content and happy. Ain’t nobody got time for all that! I have to work, I have to build or run a business, I have to attend to the kids-if any. I serve in multiple units in Church,  Got to pretend to be doing Shaun T’s Insanity work out DVD- where in actual reality I’m balanced in front of my TV with my sugar popcorn saying to myself “Seun, just do the exercise mentally, it’s all the same. I have to make sure my weave is on point, cannot be smelling anyhow; got to make sure my posh accent is flowing at the right time.

Got to read Forbes, Business Week, NY Times so I know what’s going on in the business world; then read Vogue magazine and Cosmopolitan so I’m in tune with the latest fashion, and ways to satisfy le boo when we get to it. On top of that, I have to caution my culinary skills to not be limited to Indomie & pepper chicken daily! Ahnn my daily social media intake in there too o, from LoveDeyShackMe, to Bella Naija SDK, to Linda, to IG, to FB, I mean, I am a very busy woman darn it!  In addition, let’s not forget the koko- which is I have to remain prayed up!

So on top of my important schedule as listed above I now have to be worrying about step 1 to 10 of how to keep on keeping someone?  How about we flip the script and talk about how to get a Naija girl to legit fall in love & stay in love with you. I say legit fall in love with you because I won’t lie, women are smart; naija women especially are very smart. Don’t be fooled o cos all na packaging. They will tell you all you want to hear as they are rubbing your head and you too, mumu will fall for it, put a ring on it, & start lamenting when you find out she only married you for the ring & name change.

Not all of us are like that though. Some of us will rub your head and genuinely make you feel like the king you are, without any ulterior motive.  We however don’t just fall deeply and stay in love with you, without you haven put in any work. We have expectations too albeit mostly silent ones. But not meeting our expectations is what culminates in you being served roaches for dinner, none stop nagging, robbing you blind by tripling expenses, taking off at the slightest sign of discomfort, reading a novel while you are on top of us or even imagining it’s another man doing the deed. We stop praying for you, and yes, yes, yes we cheat on you.

So here’s a list of what we expect from you men to get us to legit fall and stay in love with you.
  • Have a relationship with God: You cannot say you don’t believe in God and expect us to think you are normal. If we tell you we don’t believe in God as well you had better wake up at 1am to see what angle our legs are on the wall. Most Nigerians are raised to believe in the supremacy of God, that there is a higher being and we reverence Him.
 
  • Know how to pray: See ehn, once you take off the Ferragamo  & Givenchy, there is nothing sexier than a man who can get on his knees and give honor to the most High. Seeing our man pray/seeking God is helluva sexy I tell you. All that gra gra you men be doing, like you’re too big to be bowing before God.
 
  • Be truthful/Honest: Have some integrity- period!
 
  • Be intelligent: We all love a man who is smart. Matter of fact Naija girls love watching their man amongst a group of men speak intelligently over versatile issues. I however don’t mean in an over sabi, I’m always right kind of way. We watch you and secretly smile, hi-fiving ourselves saying “Yup, that’s my baby”.
 
  • Be Kind and Generous: I don’t mean be footing our bills up and down when we are not even married. Yes, we expect our man to give if, and when he can. Shower your woman with what you can afford. If you can comfortably afford a $200 bag as a gift for your lady, but you now decide to buy a $20 bag for her – I have to ask you why? Most girls can deduce their man’s pocket at some point and will know if you are being stingy. This reminds me of when one dude asking me out bought me a salt and pepper shaker set as a 30th birthday present. The price sticker under it was $1.99. Let me not say beyond this.
 
  • Be hard working: Hey couch potato, get up and get working. Find something doing no matter how small. “I don’t believe in working for someone, I want to be my own boss”; this is fine as long as you have the resources to start and sustain a business. You can build a business on the side while earning a steady income. Please, Please, Please, a lazy man is a turn off! And this applies to you men who want to marry a girl for her daddy’s money. Everyone can tell including the girl, her family, your friends, & family – You will never be respected! Don’t be a houseboy in your own marriage.
 
  • Bedroom matters: I don’t know how you’re going to do this but please satisfy your woman in bed. Here’s a public service announcement: Women have orgasms too.  Don’t go and be doing like tolo-tolo there and be done in 1 minute. Read books on sex or something. Just strive to be way better than mediocre. Talk to your woman. Get rid of that colonial thinking that a woman who knows what she wants in bed is loose. You should be happy actually.
 
  • Be a great family man: For the yet to be married men, we want to see you be a great son to your parents, a fantastic brother to your siblings. And if you’re married already – make your wife and children a priority. One of my aunts once told me that her husband was a shitty husband but the best father her kids could ever ask for, and because of that, she remains in the marriage and is quick to forgive his errors when she sees how dedicated he is to their children.
 
  • Dress well: If you know you don’t know how to dress, please take your closest female friend to the mall with you and admit you need help. Your outward appearance is the first thing we see. Especially if you are not handsome, respect yourself jejely and please give us something to work with.  Look, walk, act suave.  
 
  • Be an asset to us: I don’t mean this monetarily. If the relationship ends today – let there be something great that we will miss about you. Let there be a very visible positive difference/growth in my life when you’re in it. You can’t however help me grow if you are not growing in someone way either. Iron sharpens Iron.
LDS lovers please add yours to this list! What's it going to take for you to be his Bonnie!

Xoxo,

Love is a beautiful thing.

 

 

 

This Waist Matter Is A Serious Matter

7:08 PM 11 Comments A+ a-

Hey...Hey....Hey Lovies,

So unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 2-3 years, you must have heard of waist training by now. Just in case sha cos I have like alien blog visitors every now and then; waist training is when a woman wears a corset\girdle for at least 4 hours a day. Some people wear it when they work out while some wear it under clothes as part of their routine. The whole idea behind it is to shrink your waist size by a few inches. Now you could probably just hit the gym and get your svelte mid-section but then ain’t nobody got time for all that. Besides, some ladies especially those who have had babies can testify that there can be that stubborn ponmo part of your belly that just refuses to go away. Shiooooor.

Anyhoos, so I decided to join the band wagon of waist trainers. I paid considerable good amount for a brand that Kim K & dem use o, and was super excited to start using it. Soon as it came in the mail I hugged it, kissed it, and gave it a name –jigbishapala (because it would do shapala to the jigbi jigbi around my waist; did my running man, and then set it down on my dresser. For the next 3 days I walked by and starred right at it in slow motion, did the moon walk, roundabout & finally those sherubawon hand gestures; sort of like I was waiting for it to ripen or something – please don’t ask me what the heck I mean by a waist trainer ripening up. It is clearly a mental thing at this point.

On the 4th day, jigbishapala was ready to go to work. I walked to my bathroom mirror and after sucking myself in I was able to strap it on super easy.  I quickly took selfies and sent it to Mr. Q, explaining my latest attempt to shrink – and of course since he lets me do and say all the crazy I have in me, he just said “ku ishe”. Loll….

I wore the waist trainer for about 5 hours the first day, and then 7 hours the next day. I looked kinda funny in it though. I immediately decided this was not a gadget I was comfortable wearing in public, so when you see me outside I will not have it on. It just looks so weird underneath my outfit, plus the fact that I don’t need any hindrance to my eating game when I’m in public.

Then one day I was at home on a Saturday and wore jigbishapala as I cleaned the house. Soon after cleaning I sat on my bed and fell asleep with jigbishapala still on, and then I had the dream.

Yes, I had a dream in broad daylight. In the dream I was jejely in the midst of people and I suddenly couldn’t breathe, like I was struggling for air; and there was an air meter nearby showing me how much air I had left. Haven seen I was almost down to my last breath I started gesturing to people that I was wearing a waist trainer and that’s why I couldn’t breathe, & needed help. No one understood my gesture and they were looking at me funny, so I quickly started undoing the hooks myself, racing against my air meter. It was like a bomb was about to go off. 

I succeeded in taking the hooks off as the last air meter reached its last air. I was about to breathe a sigh of relief……Jesu eh ma seun oo…..you didn’t let the enemies of my fabulous progression win o, thank you Jesus. And then I saw there was another set of hooks to undo. 

I shouted in exasperation AH AHNNNNNN………..
And I woke up.

Let’s just say I haven’t gone near the waist trainer since then sha. Mi o mo eni ;n ran mi n’se ( I don't know who sent me work...)

Xoxox
Love is beautiful thing.


Must You Claim A Girl ?

1:59 PM 7 Comments A+ a-

Hey Lovviesss,

So I was reading an article on BN a few days ago and I was like OMG this so happened to me and I have to tell y’all about my experience. It’s about guys who Claim.
What do we mean by claiming? Claiming is when a guy claims to have dated you or smashed you, whereas it’s all in his dreams. It never happened.

As the fine babe that I am now, a.k.a  Miss UNAD, Most Beautiful, Sexy Die, Segsy Mama, Omo Eleh Mi Gan Gan, sexy eyes……………………..lolll okay, I will come and add more to this list later. I kuku didn’t give myself all these names o; so sha as per being a girl now, you know you’ll always have guys who want you for whatever reasons best known to them. There are those who have the balls to come up and actually toast, there are those who do the toasting in their dreams but lack the balls to do so in real life – some of them send their uncles, aunts, even parents to do this job (I promise you this has happened to me a few times, most recently last month a guy’s older sister and his mom walked up to me to ask for my number cos their bro\son had been staring at me, & following me through the aisles in the grocery store but said “Sister, this girl is too fine, what if she says No?” – This is another story for another day abeg).

Less I digress. Anyhoos, and there are guy friends who you are just friends with, they’ve never toasted you and you guys are just good palls, and there are almost complete strangers who know EVERYTHING about you because they stalk you via every stalkable means   somehow somehow sha, among this group of guys there is always a claimer who wants to claim you as his girl, or as someone he has smashed before.

Let me start this story. So several years ago right, like 12/13 years ago, the BF back then started acting all kinds of weird, talking about trust issues and how some bees were buzzing at him about me & someone, which didn’t make any sense to me at all cos I was loyal to a T. This was the beginning of us parting ways after such a long time together. (For some reason, DBanj’s Don’t tell me nonsense just entered my head now…..now). Fast forward years later, it turns out a mutual friend of ours was that bee. The funny thing was that mutual friend had told me he was in love with me while BF and I were still together but I didn’t tell BF cos I didn’t want things to get weird with them. Marra of fact, he told me this on one of my birthdays when he showed up with several gifts and plenty birthday cards – you know the era of when birthday cards could even be taller than the celebrant, ehn oooo…that kind of card was there. There were cards in all sizes. Now this guy and I were mad cool then as in my friend any day any time and I always thought he liked me like a sister kinda situation. I had to ask him that day point blank that dude “what is all this now”? That’s how this guy started confessing all kinds of feelings he’s had since he first saw me when I was a teen in Naija. 

I had to laugh it off just so things won’t get awkward. So to cut a long story short, this guy started buzzing in my BF’s ears so that he would break up with me, and that would make the coast clear for him. I didn’t find out all these until many years later when BF finally revealed his source, by then he knew the friend had lied but it was too late.  Ol boy however till date does not know that I know what he did back then. Every now and then he will hit me up on Whatsapp talking about why am I cold towards him. Ol boy, se wan shepe fun eh ni? Abi your head needs a reset? Best stay away from me o! I plan on dropping the bomb one day on him in a most humiliating way. I just have to figure that part out.

Part 2:
So I was emceeing my dear friend’s baby shower last summer right, and that’s how one bloke started asking to talk after the event. I was like dude, I’m busy…yadi…yadi yah. Dude said he was going to wait and wait he did till the very end of the event. We talked a bit in the parking lot but I refused to give my number. Except my number was on the evite or so per planner so he got the number from there anyways. He kept texting etc but I told him I wasn’t interested & ignored him. My friend had her baby dedication and of course there he was again, my 2nd time ever seeing him. As the civilized human being I am I exchanged pleasantries with him and he was there shaking as if kini. He again tried to plead his cause and I wasn’t having any of that. Of course I was sweet and lovely as usual which probably didn’t help matters. Sighhhhh

So please o, a few months later I went to a naija restaurant in my neck of the woods that’s known for their very delish meatpies and sausage rolls, and I saw this guy at a table with a lady, eating and talking. As soon as I walked in the door, the guy whispered something to the girl who had her back to the door, and she immediately turned around to look at me. I nodded my head and smiled at them but went straight to the counter to pick up my order. After paying, I walked up to them to say hello properly. The guy introduces the girl as his cousin visiting from London, and I of course exchanged pleasantries with her as the well brought up Ondo girl that I am  hehehe. Next thing I know, the girl says So Sav, what’s going on now? I’m soooo excited to finally meet you. When should we be expecting you in London? You guys should start planning towards this thing o and stop wasting time (this “thing” = wedding).

Me: ehn? Sorry can you repeat that?
London Girl: Y’all’s wedding now. So so person (pointing to the guy) has been gisting me that you’re the one delaying.
Guy: Head burrowed deep in his neck, and avoiding eye contact with me & the girl, looking like a thief with his hands caught in a pot of soup.
Me: oooookay, errrm I’m not sure what this guy (pointing to guy) has told you, but whatever it is – they are all lies. This is my 3rd time ever laying eyes on him. He is not my BF how much more Fiancé that I would be planning a wedding with or going to London with, heck we are not even friends…. We are not dating, and we’ve never dated and we will not be dating….
Girl: Mouth open and in shock turns to the guy: Lagbaja, why did you tell me all that then? Ki ni gbogbo eleyi now. She turns to me to say she’s so sorry, but I had already walked away from them.

Can you all see the nonsense some men do all in the name of they want a woman??

P.S, I ran into the guy again at a mutual friend’s naming ceremony a few weeks ago and he kept saying please give me your number Sav, I lost my phone & all the contacts on it…….please, please, please.
I looked at my feet to see if I was wearing Dunlop slippers, cos I swear nothing would be better at using to slap some sense into this boy. Mchewwww. Shout out to the real Men out there!!

XoXooo

Love is a beautiful thing.  

Why Are Some Men Menopausal?

11:04 AM 20 Comments A+ a-

Men are menopausal! End of Story!

Heyyyyyyy Loovies. I am super sorry for the hiatus. You know how sheeeet happens sometimes right? Well I’ve had a whole lotta sheeeet going on these days………………..really but God is ever faithful though.

So I’ve had this story for a few weeks now but I really didn’t know if I should or should not gist y’all because I don’t want people to get mad at me. By people I mean men. By men I mean the ones on menopause. By the ones on menopause I mean they probably will identify themselves from this gist. I love you all with the love of God so please don’t get too menopausal about this, and if you do- please make sure you have enough freezers to dip your head in and midol cos I CAN’T DEAL! I’ll try to make this as general as possible sha.

Sighhhh, so here goes.

So for a long time now I’ve always believed men have more emotional issues than women, as in for real for real. So I was in Lasgidi recently to chill (Yeah….my idea of chill is to head to Lagos. People don’t get my obsession with Lagos, and really I don’t either but my classic response to that now is “I was born in Lagos so obviously my placenta is buried somewhere there thus my need to come there every chance I get”. Loll.. oh by the way, if you wanna give me a gift ever, just give me a ticket to Lagos or something I can apply towards buying a ticket. Ohh Yes I just said that!).
Okay back to my story. I met a few guys in Lag right, and there have been some I’ve known before then. So see me see something oo, Lagos trip was like a little over a month ago right and these Lag guys from day 1 asked me out. I’m like ahn..ahn.. y’all have no chill! Like for real…for real, but it’s always fun though..Loll…  This kinda behavior is kinda normal though so I have a formula down to handling them. I do have a few male friends – mostly converted from toaster/admirer to friend/paddi of life/bro.

This particular guy started putting pressure on me and asked me to be his woman, and was asking within a week for a response! (I really should start doing Vlogs cos I cannot express the look on my face in writing…like for real), and I’m like hunhh, you know me well enough in one week, one week oo, one week pere to want to date me? Like what if I’m a psycho person? What if I’m like an opa pa parada kind of girl? As in, what if I be hopping on one leg shouting “Ofe….Ofeeee”?? Did you not read that tweet circulating on social media about that guy that had been kinda dating one mami water kain chick that showed him who she really was in a hotel in Port Harcourt!!!! Ahn..ahn… please what is the hurry? I don’t get…I really don’t get it at all.

Me, trying to be reasonable and all was like ahh Pascal (okay, of cos his name is not Pascal), we’ve only known each other for a few days and really, I just want to be friends so I hope you understand. Pascololo was like ehn Savannah, if we don’t put a name to our friendship we won’t value it. In my head I was like ahh I have plenty names nau, there’s aki and pawpaw, Papa Ajasco, there’s Simbi goes to school; I mean there are plenty of names we could give our friendship other than we’re dating. Period!

That’s how before I could even volunteer these names Pascololo removed me from BBM. I was like waittttt a minute, holdddd up, Pasco removed me from BBM cos I said I’m not doing? Ahn..ahn… abi this boy is not well ni? Mchewwww. Again, I can’t deal.
Now, I don’t like being in conflict or odd situations with anyone and I prefer to talk things out (if your head is not on fire) so we are all on the same page just in case there’s a miscommunication. So I sent Pascololo a text calling him out on such menstrual behavior (sorry I meant menopausal behavior), and dude was like yeah it was childish but he didn’t want to be a pest. I’m like YOU THINK???

So ladies, have you encountered a situation like this where the guy just does a complete 180 degree turn on you just because you’re not feeling him or for whatever reason you can’t\won’t give him what he wants? I mean why can’t we be friends if one party does not care to have more than that?

You men should stop behaving like this oo abeg cos this is how women on menopause behave. Don’t ask me how I know – you go and google symptoms. Oh, and by the way, I’ve experienced this with both older and younger guys so I don’t think it has to do with age. My thing though is if a girl tells you let’s be friends and you start unfriending\blocking\giving attitude, believe me when I say that most girls would probably not want to date you after you’re displayed that kinda behavior.

Girls, I wanna hear your stories please!!

Xoxoxo

Love is a beautiful thing. 

The Odyssey Of The Work Place Romance

10:09 PM 5 Comments A+ a-


Hey Lovies,

I swear a million times over that Naija is where the life is! With all the suffering going on there’s always correct gist going on. Honestly, I love my yankee friends but y’all are boring joor…haba. My naija friends expecially the LasGidi ones always got one gist or the other for me. My BBM and Whatsapp always popping with one gist or the other. These people know how to rob one of sleep cos they be pinging in the middle of the night my time. Sheesh…………

So now to the koko. I know I’ve written about married women now cheating on their husbands and I probably know of one personally but mehnnnnnn the gist that reached me a few days ago, happening at a major Multi National Oil & Gas in Lagos………….this gist is like weed on crack. Yeah, you heard, weed on crack! B’liiiv’ that!

So there’s this babe who works in one of these Multinationals, lets call her Priye. So Priye ehn, she got married early and has 3 kids. Apparently her husband is not the best bloke on the block so they’ve been having major issues. Heard the guy is stingy as hell too but thankfully Priye has her cushioned job at this Oil Company. Any hoos, her husband’s business was once thriving, but somehow sha business went south. Priye wasn’t really bothered or affected cos the guy had not been taking care of her and the kids in the first place. With business gone south, her hubby’s behavior got worse so Priye started contemplating a divorce but eventually changed her mind. Where was she going with 3 kids? It was to sit down and weather the storm…………………until absolutely unbearable.

Now Priye haven examined her marriage properly and decided she didn’t love her husband anymore – marra of fact she detested him but she didn’t want to walk away from the marriage because of what you archaic, judgmental, self-righteous naija people say about a divorced woman. She decided she wasn’t going to go through a divorce but she would eat her cake and have it. She would remain married and have as many affairs as she wants, satisfy her sexual desires (her husband is a 1 minute man. Men, men, men!! How many times have I called you?? 3 TIMES O! Especially you naija men that will come and kiss sloppily, and can’t do foreplay even if your life depends on it. Then you will now have the nerve to come and hump 3 times and gbam its end of story!! Those 2 things on our chest are not ping pong balls to be slapped around biko. The lips are not dirty jeans that need to be washed with your spit; ewww…so gross. Neither is it ponmo from Shitta that you will just be wa rough on it.  What’s wrong with you people????? You berra go get some agbo jedi or Viagra or something please. Naija girls aren’t playing with y’all anymore o. The stories I hear this day ehn – even the devil is afraid of the sexual escapades naija women are into these days. Even me I bow!)

Back to the matter.     

Priye was on the prowl sha. No man, especially the good looking ones would escape her. Word circulating is that Priye even always had condoms in her bag. This girl was always prepared. As far as I’m concerned, this girl has life issues – quarter life crises maybe sef.
Next thing we heard o is that Priye has the hots for her born again boss at work.  Born again boss was married unfortunately for her but mehnnn this girl wouldn’t back off. She started looking for every excuse to go to his office, stand next to him, and work late cos the guy was a workaholic and usually working till late at night. Looks like oga born again must have been firing some serious prayers against all daughters of jezebel at work cos before you could bat an eyelid Priye had been transferred to another department.

Her new oga was one Edo boy who was weak as hell. Couldn’t hold his own or fire dangerous prayers against Priye like her former boss, so he caved. Not only did he cave, Priye had him wrapped around her thumbs like a toddler on lollipop. According to the gist, it was pathetic. The whole company knew about it but no one dared say anything about it. One girl whom I also know that works at the Oil Company actually tried bringing it up to their boss’s boss but she ended up getting fired. A few days after she left people found out Priye was also dating her boss’s boss and she had got wind of what this girl was up to and had her fired.

Priye was going on out of town trips with her boss and his boss, 3 days to 1 week at a time. While no one else in the department had ever been approved for an out of town\country “conference”, Priye had been to almost every major city in the world on “training”. Yup she was training her assets all right. **side eye. My question this times was please o, where is she telling her husband she’s going to? And how come he wasn’t suspecting anything? I don’t get marriages these days. Yet, some people will come and be forming with 2 rings acting like they are queen sheba cos they’re married. If I slap some people ehn!! Mchewwww. Fakes oshi. But the genuine ones though…..I throw so many kisses your way. Lord knows I love good and genuine people.

Back to the matter….again

Priye unearthed another chic that was against her lifestyle and got that one fired pronto. In short sha, she was in control of the 3rd leg of this suckers called her bosses and in control of the whole department. She and her ass have become legendary in broad day light.
By the time the men count was 4 at the same time in the same office, I was like naaaa this girl is using jazz on these men. There is no way it’s all about what’s between her legs. Abi could it be?
I told my friend that abeg, if this girl is not using jazz you berra get close to her to find out what she’s saying or doing to these men cos this is beyond human comprehension, AND I NEED THE RECEIPE!!

Heheheheh…….see how your ears are at attention. You too want to know what she’s doing abi? Lol…. I ain't sharing!!!

Much as I would love to say that every married woman should close her legs & heart to men other than her husband – I would be wasting my time honestly. This issue is a matter of to each his own. Haven had my own share of experience, I can attest to how some situations make you want to do despicable things. It really takes MAJOR Grace to be able to maintain dignity & have some high morals when you are in a really bad situation. During those times, the last person you are doing anything right for is your spouse. You have to think of yourself, think of your relationship with God, think of your children. I cannot judge anyone, less I be judged but mehnnnnn Naija babes I hail o.


Xoxo....
Love is a beautiful thing.