Feminism or its Cousin?
Heyyyyyyyy Friyayyyy, whatagwan people! It’s been one kind
of a min on this blog but let’s not dwell on my blogging consistency bad
behavior….loll.
So you know, any week that there is no drama on Naija Social
Media, is not a good week; it’s like all the village people gathered to just
spoil it for those of us who like to just eat popcorn, sip and follow the
drama. But you see ehnn, this week did not disappoint at all. The one that
caught my eye the most was the drama that unfolded as a result of Presidential
Aspirant Eunice Atuejide’s tweets about her stance on Feminism.
I read subliminal after subliminal directed at her; direct
attacks on her, her Presidential aspirations, her marriage etc. I want to think
the folks who decided to unleash are the feminists she does not want to
identify with? I just tire. At some point I was like no wonder the poor woman
does not want to identify with y’ all, like gaddem!! She can’t have an opinion
that differs from y’ all? Should someone who just work up from a century long
nap where to read all the bashing – I doubt they would want to identify with y’
all.
Damn! So some people said they don’t have a problem with her
not wanting to identify as a feminist, but she should not have insulted/belittled/gave
a negative connotation/made the movement seem derogatory per the examples she
listed. Let me quote the part of the tweet they are referring to
“I’M NOT A
FEMINIST?
Na by force?
And who is a
feminist?
My
friend who won’t cook for her husband and kids cos of equality?
The one who
always insults men becos she can? Ladies who won’t let men hold doors for them cos
it diminishes their value? What does Feminism mean?
Yup, that’s what the poor girl said. To be honest, I think that a lot
of Nigerian “Feminist” especially the women folk don’t know what feminism is
all about. I have definitely not met/encountered all Nigerian women, but I have
read thousands of dialogue online and listened in on debates about this issue,
and 80% of these women have no idea what it truly encompasses. I probably don’t
know in its entirety either beyond what Google, my dictionary, and several literatures
tell me. Most of these women just want to identify with that book writer and what
she tells the world she stands for. The problem here is it is one thing to tell
people this is how I live my life; it is another thing to actually show that
this is actually how you do live your life. I doubt there is nary a soul besides
her husband and children, and perhaps domestic staff who really know if she
practices what she preaches. You see how guarded her private life is?
I love a couple of her books though; ol girl is loaded with an imaginary
mind.
Let me go back to Eunice for a second, she asked (na ordinary question
she ask oooo) that “who is a feminist, the one who doesn’t cook for her
husband and kids cos of equality?”
There are women actually who will not cook for their husband and
children because they claim to be feminist – I don’t know about you but I’m not
sure how this behavior makes sense to you. I am a woman, wholly born a woman;
therefore my maternal, nurturing instinct to cater/care for people is almost always
90% on. Does it go on Holiday sometimes or just don’t want to be bothered
sometimes? Da heck yes it does, because before even being a woman, I am human
first which means I have days when I am tired physically, mentally and/or
emotionally and can’t handle catering to the people I absolutely love the most
in the world (as it should be). Therefore what do I do?; either the hubs takes over
the catering/nurturing or heck we pay people (nanny, chef/take out/food
delivery) to do that which I (with the inborn nurturing) am temporarily unequipped
to do.
NEVER in my life though will I ever not do these things for/to the
people I love because I am a Feminist.
I don’t think the angry feminist see where Eunice is coming from at
all. Eunice is not your problem; your problem is the misguided people who use
the title feminism as a cover up for issues that have nothing to do with feminism.
She also said “The one who always insults men becos she can”;
Biko, if you are one of those who do this, you are the misguided people
that the true feminists need to open a school for. If you, a woman has a
disagreement with another woman, and you are able to resolve amicably; but given
the same argument but with a man you now result to insults- at the same time
beating your chest like King Kong , and shouting up an dan “I am a feminist,
you think you can talk to me anyhow?”
If your fuse is short only when it comes to men over the very same issues
that are nothing if coming from a woman – then you are the type of person
Eunice does not want to identify with.
Then she capped it with “The one who always insults men becos she can? Ladies who won’t let men
hold doors for them cos it diminishes their value?
To be honest, I am not sure this is a problem in this world – amongst the
many other things women have to deal with today. The day oga madam (you know
who) decided to tell y’ all she has a problem with this act of chivalry – a lot
of the follow, follow/no sense of direction/of their own person shined their
eyes that day. I am thankful for them because in this life, it is not everyone
you accompany on a journey that you must remain with till the end. Every now
and then you must reassess your values as you grow as a person, and see if it
aligns with that person’s. if it doesn’t, rather than following blindly, please
excuse yourself and chart your course. Simple. There are some matters in this
life that are as simple as abc, and this is one of them.
Now, let me tell you how I feel personally, in no particular order:
I love being a woman.
I love being a woman soooootay I refuse to lift weights in the gym cos I
don’t want any visible muscularness on me; God already gave me some that be
making me look like ponmo. In my mind, and as I told the gym guy, please don’t
take me from ponmo to brokotor. He was like “whaaaaaa”.
Me: please just gimme another move to do biko and go and google
brokotor when you get home.
I love allowing the man wear his crown/sit on his throne. Whachu
fighting about this for, please? Will you die if he were referred to as king
and you a queen, especially when you have not had a gender change? Ahhhmean,
really – NOTHING bad will happen to you if you were to just live and enjoy your
womanly attributes without contesting with a man for his. No one, I repeat, no
one will ever look down on you or think you are less of a person for wearing
your queenly crown proudly. You actually are not going to get paid/accolades
for declaring yourself a King either – NOTHING will come out of it either
I love being able to do me without requiring a man to be available in
other for me to do me.
HOWEVER, I also love having a man buy the heck out of gifts for me,
understand my obsession with my birthdays and act accordingly – Please and
thank you. I love being catered to by a
man physically, emotionally, Spiritually, Financially, and Massagically erry
damn day; take me around the world sef- if I would like to, and if he wants to –
I ain’t complaining.
I also love being able to buy the heck out of gifts for a man, and catering
to him in all ways (go and listen to Destiny’s Child’s “Cater to You” again. If
I want to take off his socks when he comes home – I sure will! And it will not
diminish me or make me less of a woman, or less of the success that I am. My
Queenly Crown and Robe will NOT even shift!
I also love being able to know how to change a bulb, use a lawn mower
(or just hire someone), change a tire, open every door if I am by myself or
significant other. Like no one will die if a man opens the door for you or even
if you have some home training and hold the door open for him if the
circumstances allow.
I love being able to throw a ball with my son, play soccer with him,
show him how badass mummy is, and we have the time of our lives!! I love
showing him life – in a way that teaches him your outcome in life is not based
on the gender of who raised you.
I love being a mentally strong woman. You are going to have to try hard
to break me. HOWEVER, on the days when it’s just too much, I love having someone
to unload on – and how he just takes it all, let’s me vent, cry – whatever I need
to do to be strong again. I enjoy being someone’s baby biko. Life is hard as it
is without trying to be Arnold Schwarzenegger in any form, abeg.
I definitely do not want to be a member of the Naija association of
feminist where aggression, anger, and shaming are quick to the surface; no, that’s
not what I want to identify with. If I were
to identify, I would like to with those who saw Eunice’s post as a teaching
moment both to her and the millions of young girls who may have been following
the drama, and could really speak to what Feminism is really all about.
But as true naija style, we go overboard with EVERYTHING! Over sabi is
everyone’s middle name. The oyinbos that started Feminism are probably
clutching their hearts in one corner as they read the attacks on Eunice. There
are somethings in this world that when they become a thing ehn there must be a
world notice board somewhere that says “Nigerians are not allowed to be a part
of this thing, I REPEAT – NIGERIANS CANNOT COME NEAR THIS – please and thank
you. Lolllllllll.
I am thankful I didn’t grow up in a home where I had to be anything
less than great because I was missing a third leg.
Lastly, I appreciate those true feminist who work tirelessly to give
women a platform of equality in having the same entitlements as that of any
other gender with the same qualifications. I never want to be told I should not
earn as much as Mr. Opkokobiorko simply because he is expected to carry more
responsibilities in his home (especially not in this American life day and age
where the bills are split 50/50). I don’t
want to be told I can’t study this or that because……………… (This reminds me of
that one’s mother who said I could not have a Master’s Degree cos her son does
not have one – these kind of people are the problems in this world, not Eunice).
I don’t want to be judged based on sexism; or endure sexist exploitation,
or oppressed in any way because I don’t have a 3rd leg.
Hats off to the true feminists who without dragging another woman, have
brought about a persistent and progressive transformation of the human society,
globally.
P.S., it’s okay for me to feel
this way – different from you – to not agree with you – to understand what
could possibly have influenced Eunice’s thought process on what my fellow
Nigerians call Feminism; it’s okay. Just hiss if my post has angered you, and
just waka pass. You can vent in the comment section where I will delete any
derogatory comments or go to your SM platform and vent there, but make sure you
include a link to my blog so it can direct much needed traffic to it. Either
way, my blood pressure is fine, I have back to back owambe this weekend. My
weekend is gonna be LIT!
