Bush People @ 10,000 feet above.

11:05 AM 3 Comments A+ a-


Hello Lovies,

Happy Holidays!! Tis the season to be jolly and jolly i am! I'm typing this 10,000 feet above on an Emirates Airplane and i'm enroute to Las Gidi! I am super excited about this trip because its a family affair. Although we are on different airlines and some arrive a day after a few of us, the point is we will all spend christmas together like we used to as kids but this time around we have our own kids to bring along. I feel so bad for my dad's house with all these screaming grandkids but i bet he wont mind one bit! Even if he does.....well too late now.

See, I travel a few times a year and i get to meet and observe people from different walks of life. I'm not a break the ice-start a conversation kind of person so i don't generally speak to people but my eyes do the seeing, my mind the conjuring and my head finalizes the details about each person. I was about to embark on a full flight to Las Gidi with 99% naijas on board so i knew my aro meta (my trio) eyes, mind, head would be working overtime.

I got to Dubai and was looking for the gate my connecting flight would be on when i spotted this man walking ahead of me. He was dressed in jean on jean ensemble which both top and bottom were 1.5 sizes too small so his pot belly was struggling to breath under his shirt while his buttocks was trying hard to refrain from passing gas because there was no guarantee those pants would not reap if he did mess. He had 1 phone jammed at his ear and was barking into it while he had an additional 3 (IPhone, Samsung, Blackberry) clasped in his palms and was raedi-ing (shaking his yansh) as he walked on. I just said to myself "Sav, ahh there goes your airport map, this man is naija and has to be on your flight so just follow him, he'll lead you to your gate"

There's more i want to say about potruding belly but my bible says judge not so let me just waka pass.
Finally we boarded and then the fun began. But come first ehn, why are you Naija people like this for goodness sake??? The only times i've ever witnessed a fight both verbal and darn near physical is on board a Naija bound flight! This has happened too many times for comfort. We are the most impatient, aggressive, quick to make wrong assumptions group of people. Everyone trying to outrank the other person over the most minute things, talking about do you know who I am, is it because I'm in economy with you people? In my head i'm like Ni***a please, your behind is in economy, you aint nobody abeg. Take several seats & be quiet.
I had boarded right after first class passengers cos of family priviledges so i was able to see everyone come in and there was some level of decorum until i heard thuds and sharp yelling and of course i turned around to see where war was breaking out on this plane. Turns out a 6'2 man removed the hand luggage of a 5' woman to accomodate his large carry on and then decided to mash/squeeze/ handle roughly the woman's stuff back in the compartment. Mehnnnnnn this thing was not funny cos the woman went off on him. First of all her hand could barely reach the luggage compartment so she couldn't really remove the guy's carryon in vengeance but ohh she sure went to town with her mouth on him. This lady was like so because you think you are a man you can do anything you want right? Today is the last day you will disrespect a woman. I will teach you a lesson.... My friend will you remove your stinking hands from my carryon.... Owo idoti jatijati, agbero osan gangan (rubbish dirty hands, afternoon bus conductor).....i willl SLAP youuuuuuu.....ahhh boy yi o mo nothing (the woman was already shifting her feet like Ali in a boxing ring). This guy too decided who would keep his sunglasses on in the plane so the woman was like you and your $1 sunglasses, remove it and lets see your ugly face, you no home training boy".............
The guy wasn't expecting the tongue lashing from the woman and by the time he had a comeback the woman had won the first 4 rounds and everyone was laughing. The only thing he could say was "madam mind yourself oo" and the woman was like ahhhh omo una, no wonder... Boya oti gbe cocaine si ikun (ohh Ibo boy, maybe he has cocaine swallowed in his belly". More laughter..... And thank God for one of the hostesses who came to calm things down. Phewww...
And then across the aisle wad another quanter, this time 2 men facing off. At this point the whole plane sounded like Idumota just before the christmas holidays. I was thoroughly mortified at how your people were making a fool of themselves. Why can't we conduct ourselves like civilized people? Why must we make a scene everywhere we go? And then we wonder why westerners treat some of us the way they do? If you can't treat yourselves with respect why should anyone else do so? If we act like we can't conduct ourselves civilly why should we assume someone else knows that we know how to?
This very second as i type this out, there's a yoruba man 4 rows behind me who has been nothing but a nuisance since this flight took off 3.5 hours ago. I swear he must think he's in a beer parlor, the pitch of his voice, the contents of his rants - from APC to PDP, to football, we've all heard his views. Now, this man just shouted ITF at the top of his voice, trying to get the attention of a man who stood up 10 rows ahead of him (yes, i counted). ITF just turned towards the direction of the voice and waved, but drunken master was not having none of the that, his comeback was " Omoale ni boboyi oo maabo joor). Now may i mention that ITF looks to be in his 60's but drunken master looks like 50's to me.
That's it!!! I've had it with this bush man so I have written a note that says " Dear drunken master, we are all happy that you have finally decided to sleep thereby allowing  the rest of us enjoy our flight, Just a friendly reminder when you wake up that this is not a beer parlor. Thanks for your coopertion sir.
Fellow passanger who would throw you out if she got a chance.

All i'm waiting for now is for him to fall asleep so i can put it somewhere on him to find when he wakes up. Double sided tape anyone?

Have a wonderful holiday.
Love is a beautiful thing.


Write comments
December 23, 2014 at 12:06 AM delete

Sav sav. I couldnt not stop laughing. Omg!! Niger pple no dey carry last.

January 3, 2015 at 2:33 AM delete

you wan put petrol for fire. He would talk your head off Sav if you dare put the note. I enjoy the post girl.

January 6, 2015 at 11:15 AM delete

Hahaha. I bet u didn't

So, what happened on your flight back? We r waiting.....