What's with the rape though?

Hey Lovies,

As much as I would love to dabble in love matters, I feel there are times when that can take the back seat to more imperative matters. This is one of such times so please bear with me.

There has been so much going on in the news lately about “Rape”. First there was Bill Cosby aka Uncle Bill like I like to call him even though it’s not like he’s my uncle’s wife’s brother’s sister-in-law’s brother-in-law’s wife’s uncle; and then there is this entity called Daniel Okereke who apparently is Stephanie Okereke’s brother, and is a serial rapist. I know, even my mouth dropped when I read the story of the girl who reported him, and also subsequent reports by other victims.

I’m not sure if it’s based on these two reports or there’s just something in the air but suddenly there’s a plethora of victims speaking up. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror these young ladies went through. I woke up this morning and as usual picked up my phone because of course my day starts of extra cheerfully when there’s a “lo sun” message or an emoji. I know, I know, kinda weird shay but you wouldn’t even understand what this is all about. LoL…… a girl knows how she feels.

Anyhoos back to the issue of rape. I picked up my phone and went through social media, and came across this story of a 19 year old Adeyemi College of Education student who got raped at FUTA. I read the long story over and over and I temporarily couldn’t even move. My mind went numb, my senses went numb, everything just went bleak, and it was way too freaking early for that to be happening. There were so many thoughts flying through my mind as I got ready for the day. I tried to picture the whole scenario starting from the first hello\meeting, to making the judgment call that involved this lady & other victims believing they could trust these men, to the realization that she was in deep trouble and after all the man she trusted a few hours ago was actually a monster who was about to tear her life to shreds. Worse still is knowing that we live in a world where rape is a major stigma, one in which seeking justice only brings reliving the nightmare, stigmatization, humiliation and blame.

Sighhh………..How could anyone even take a woman sexually against her will? Repeatedly too? Even to the point of being serial? What\Who do we blame for this? Our society with her “you must be quiet” expectations? Or mental illness on the part of the man? Or even worse “na devil do am”? Who do we blame? And then there’s the question of did the woman bring it on herself? Was she scantily dressed or was she teasing the man? Was she trying to do a quick runs move but unfortunately found herself biting more than she can chew? I don’t believe there’s any instance in which it’s okay for a man to rape a woman. How short can her dress be that you can’t keep your manhood in your pants? How sexy can she be that you can’t control yourself? Do rapists suddenly turn deaf, dumb, & blind to the cries and pleas?

How do we fix this? I bet we can probably never completely curb rape in our society but there has to be something we can so to reduce the frequency. There has to be a way to ensure there’s justice for all victims. There has to be away to divert the stigma from the victim to the perpetrator. There has to be a way around this. I think I just found another cause under my umbrella. I can relate a bit to these ladies but not in its entirety so I can’t even say I totally “get it”. Again I have so many questions that need answers. I would actually like to hear from men who have taken a woman forcefully. I want to hear your side of the story, if there is another side. This might be one of the few situations in life where there’s only one side. I still want to hear though.

To every woman who has been a victim of rape, my heart & my soul goes out to you. I don’t know how to console – I totally suck at it. If consolation was a WAEC exam my enemies (not me) would get an “F-“. That’s right, F-minus.  There are so many things we need to fix, we may not see the results anytime soon but we at least are no longer turning a blind eye & deaf ear to the ills of our society- especially to the weaker sex (some women can be Jackie Chan though), we are doing our best so that our children can have an easier life experience than we've had.

Xoxoxo

Love is a beautiful thing…