Sweet Jesus.........Shit Happens

3:26 PM 0 Comments A+ a-

Humm see ehn, I'm not the person to see all kinds of things on the news. It's either I get tempted to give it a try (cos as per Naija now, a trial shall convince you), or I will never ever go near that thing/place/person. I'm totally extreme, no middle ground whatsoever.

So that's how the other day I saw in the news about this man that Dr's had to perform surgery to remove backed up poop from the guy. I promise you this is super legitimate. So the poop weighed like almost 30pounds FAM! 30 Pounds! That's like my weight loss goal right there.

That's how I started imagining oooo that maybe the reason I can't lose weight is because I also have backed up poop, cos you never really can tell. I bet no one ever really thought there could be 30 pounds of poop in them, so don't give me no side eye biko.

Anyways sha, as I've been struggling with my recently gained weight AGAIN, I started to think more and more that boya o, just maybe o, I might be carrying around like 20 pounds of shit inside me. That's how I found myself at Super Best Store buying Garden Eggs cos I wanted to make Garden Egg stew, then I remembered I had run out of Green Tea at home and as per an Asian\Spanish store they usually have a good array of Teas. I now went to the Tea aisle and looked at all the options available. I didn't see the one I was familiar with but I saw one that I swear was calling my name. I bought the tea and went home.

Next day, I had 2 cups of the tea at work and was just normal. Until later on at home sha. Wahala wah beh. Mehnnnnnnnnnnnn
Listen, throughout the night I was singing Lord Jesus........... take the wheel; Sweet Home, Sweet Chariot... coming for to carry me home. I must have sung the song like 10 times before I realized, "ode ma ni eh, se is the song not Swing Low...Sweet Chariottttttttt; ewo ni ti Sweet home"

FAM, I have not been alright since I drank that tea yesterday. I am now convinced that even if I don't have 30pounds backed up somewhere, I have at least 10 pounds. Even my eye is turning me now as I can't even see straight. I made it to work today but I can't for the life of me understand why women keep running out of the loo after I've been in there for like 2 minutes. I mean... it's can't be that bad na. No?

I'm just thanking God right now that there is no Go-Slow on my way home, cos I've run out of songs to sing. Jesus already warned me not to call His name into this matter cos He didn't send me message.

Eh ma gbami bayi oooo.

Anyone ever had to deal with this before? Do share..

Click here to read the Story about man with almost 30 pounds poop